back in the fast lane...

This year has been going not to bad. School has been pretty good and and not too stressful and I have fun every once and awhile. But I have discovered that I have a lot going on in the next few weeks and I have a feeling I'm going to freak. I have had class as usual this week. However, I was at school almost all day yesterday working on some of my glass pieces to finish them. Then we went to the musical Aladdin which was nothing like the Disney movie but very funny. Today I have to catch up on some of school work. Tonight we are going to zoo lights. Tomorrow I have class then I am helping Britt make Christmas balls because she needs someone to assist and she said she would pay me. Then I am going out with my sis to this pub for this guy Erik's b-day. Then I am coming to see you girls on the weekend. Then in the next couple of weeks I have my finals, an essay due, a final Glass crit which I have no idea what I am going to do for my project and my drawing crit.

It's going to be crazy. Oh and my work Christmas party is somewhere in there too if I decide to go in on it. And then there is shopping for x-mas gifts which I haven't even started looking for yet. It will be nice when x-mas break rolls around, although I am sure I will keep myself busy then too. I am actually scared that my manager is going to decide to book me a whole bunch and I don't think I want to or that I will have the time. So I have been thinking about quiting. Because he was like news years day morning is really busy and he needs a lot of people to work. I don't want to work new years day. I dunno. Am I being selfish?

So I am getting my tattoo. It's official. I booked my appointment and put a $60 deposit down. So unless I want to loose $60 bucks for nothing I'm getting it. December 21st!! It's exciting but I am scared too. You know me, always questioning my decisions and scared of all the actions I take. My dad is going to hate me. That part will be shitty. But I trully feel that if I am going to get one this is the time in my life I should get one. I'm in art school, I don't really know where my life is headed and I'm still a bit of a kid and I feel like I can be reckless now because I might not be a few years from now.

Mind is all over the place as usual....

mixed emotions

I can't seem to keep myself on a constant lately. You know it's weird, ever since I have been home that's when so much seems confusing to me. Being with you guys kept me on some sort of straight path and when I came home I hit some Saskatchewan road and I was in trouble. I mean it's not that it's bad here, because there are a lot of good things, it's just that I miss you guys, and having girlfriends and someone to talk to. I realized today that I basically have no one to talk to in person here that I trust and feel comfortable with other than my sister. And sometimes things go beyond a sisters understanding or interest. I miss my best friends :'( . I am definitely thinking it would be wise to quit my job just so I can come to Edmonton more because I need someone.

This is one of those times when I MISS YOU ALL SOOOO MUCH!!

Anyways, the many things toying with my emotions right now fall under the following:

Bad Things: guys, school, no friends, work, unknown future, and my body.

Good Things: guys, school (glass blowing specifically), getting a tattoo, making money, and my hair (I love my hair right now haha)

I wish I could learn how to go with the flow and enjoy.

Mini story. We (meaning my sis and I) were telling my mom today about going to a tattoo place today to check it out. Well she asked for who. I said all of us (our family friend Matt was there as well). And all she said was your getting another one (which was obviously directed at my sister who is going to have 3 soon). She didn't even acknowledge the fact that I am getting one at all. So I don't know if she knew it was going to happen or if she missed the point. We shall see.

Went to Regina this last weekend and it was the most uneventful weekend of my life. We left at like 8 pm Friday night. It's an 8 hour drive. Usually I sleep but I was up for at least the first 6 maybe 7 hours. I watched Mr. and Mrs. Smith, Swim Fan and watched my sister play Sim's most of the way. Once we arrived in Regina at 4 am we went to bed and got up at 9 to go see my grandpa. We spent all day in his tiny apartment except for a very short shopping trip that was unsuccessful because a lot of things were closed for the holiday. I slept probably half of the time I was there on his floor. Then we went back to our hotel and I began to watch Harry Potter. Got up the next morning and went to visit grandpa again. We were there for probably 4 hours and once again I probably slept for half of it. I also finished watching Harry Potter. Then we left for home. The 8 hour trip home was once again uneventful. I slept, watched Mulan 2, and contemplated life the whole way home. Monday was the most interesting day of the whole weekend and guess what guys, I spent a good portion of it at school in the Hot Shop (glass blowing well watching), and writing my Art History paper which turned out not too bad I think.

So yeah that should catch you up for awhile. Hope to see you all in a few weeks if I can make it up to Edmonton. Lots of love.

Today was one of the good days

The Goo Goo Dolls concert was awesome tonight. They were so good and it was nice to see Kait and it made me happy. I was at school for most of the afternoon which was also good. Being at school makes me happy. Being with other students and working in the glass department. I think thats why I want to major in it because it makes me happy and that's what I want for my life. Plus the awesome people in that department help. Today was the 4th years class so I saw them working and I got to see one of their demos which was super cool. It's almost like and addiction for me now... Haha. I'm kinda sad that friday is going to be the last christmas ball blowing night though. I have been to them all and I can only stay for part of this one and they are going out after which sucks cause I am going to miss the social part. The one time they are going for drinks and I can't go. :( Oh well. Regina her I come. Hope you all have an awesome weekend!

sad, pathetic life

So I went out Tuesday for Halloween and had an awesome good time and somehow got drunk (obviously people were buying me drinks) on $15. It was sweet. I danced and chilled and it was sooo nice to just get out and have a life. I got the pictures back today too and they are awesome. So many randoms that I will probably never see again. Actually kinda funny. Although I didn't make out with anyone, just random pictures. Haha. But anyways, really that has been the extent of my social life for this semester.

Dave said something about not having a social life when you are in art school. I was thinking about what he said and I'm like you have a social life, what are you talking about. It may be with some of the people you go to school with but I can guarantee they have been out a lot more than me this semester and they do have a social life. Me on the other hand, with you guys not here, I don't really have one. Seriously for me it's either work, home or school. And my life is so sad that I get bored and go shopping because I have nothing better to do with my time. Do you realize how depressing that is. And on another note, most of the glass department anyways has a significant other, I don't. Also included in a social life. I would love to tell him that. But I won't.

You know I think the worst part is, I still like Jaan. It's not that easy for me this time. I can't seem to let it go. And that sucks even more cause I can't do anything about it and I wish that I had more of a social life because that would distract me and possibly attract me to another person who is actually available. This is one of those times when I wonder what if.... I had say hung out with Chris more often or went out when Woz would call me drunk. But then I think it wasn't right at the time why would it make life better now. I have serious issues people. And I still have to write an Art History paper due in just over a week and I am going to be in Regina next weekend which shoots down my time period to write it and I still have no idea what I am even writing on. I'm fucked. I think I have allowed myself to fall behind thinking I was ok and now I'm screwed.

I will probably apply for U of A again for next year but I can't see myself getting in and then I will probably apply for design at ACAD but they only take so many as well and EVERYONE in first year seems to want to get in design, shot down again and even my idea of majoring in glass blowing might have a hole in it cause they only take so many people and having a good GPA helps you get in. I'm seriously fucked. What the hell am I going to do???? Having to deal with this sucks. And it totally doesn't help that I am PMSing because my emotions are all over the place as usual. Fuck, that's all I have to say at the moment. Hope all your lives are currently better then mine! Love you.