What do I have to do??

I am sitting here bored at my computer not sure what to do. I guess I could study or read. But it's so boring. And really I would love to hang out with any person other than my sister because I already see her so much. I just want friends that I can hang out with on a regular week night. Where I can go to their house or they can come here and we can watch a movie or chat or maybe go out for coffee or something. Seriously I feel deprived. I mean when I am at work I still don't have that much normal conversation. Most of the time it's do you want coffee and then taking peoples orders.

I went shopping by myself the other day because I wanted to go shopping cause I had this desire to buy clothes and I just wasn't sure who I could even call. I mean Ash is probably busy with homework because vet med is demanding and I want some other person I can call to hang out. I don't really have that and most of the people I do know are guys and I seriously am not as comfortable just calling them up. Plus I am pretty sure most of them aren't bug 'shoppers'. It's just frustrating. Boring and frustrating. I mean I talk to all of 4 people on msn. 2 of them being my parents. No one is ever on or responds. It's a lonely life.

And the worst part is I like it here and my program but I just don't know who I can even talk to. Am I going to walk through the next few years zombie like? No care about anything or no one to care about me? What do I have to do to find someone. How do I put myself out there? Should I approach people or somehow become more approachable. I am eating candy and chocolate because I'm craving and I have been wanting to get into shape but at the same time I am wondering what for. I doesn't seem to make a bit of difference and doesn't make me any more happy. I have been working out for 2 months consistently and if anything i have gained weight and I fell like my face is fatter, which is really discouraging. I mean I know it's not magic but seriously.

I have no idea how to boost my confidence. Maybe I just don't care. Is there a point to any of this any part of life. I feel like I am just waisting it all away, for nothing. Maybe I should go back to Venice and blow glass for a year. At least I know I would have something that would make me consistently happy. And There is sooo much to see around there would I even need anyone?? Why can't I find someone who cares about me as much as I seem to care about everyone else?? Why does it seem so easy for some people and yet they aren't always happy either. Will I ever be happy????

Less Time

Well I seem to be blogging less. Possibly because I have been spending my time doing other things or I'm just not sure what to blog about anymore. I mean when I was in rez there was ALWAYS something going on. Really usually school time is more eventful for blogs. But I guess I just don't know what to say anymore. My life is so far relatively uneventful here.

I have been out a couple of times but not much. I wish I new more people, or new people better so they would be inclined to invite me out. I just like the company. I have been to a couple of beer nights here with Natelle, a friend I have made here. And she is super awesome. And they were fun and I met people and got drunk and you know. I'd be ok with doing that more. If I was invited. The other thing I find is some of the people I have made friends with here have things in common with other people and thats why they hang out so much and I just don't seem to fit in anywhere. I mean some of them play rugby, which I was going to do in high school but that didn't work out and sports are usually really time consumming. Then some of them play soccer, or they are in classes together or just the fact that they went to high school together and are still wicked good friends. I don't fit in yet. I need to find my place. I am hoping that I make some friends at work. They all seem pretty cool with each other. So we will see.

I need to figure out how I am going to balance work and homework and school and a life. I'll manage, I always seem to.

And I know you guys are right. I need to be patient and I think at times I am very impatient. Let things happen. Go with the flow. It's just the walk that is going to suck in this journey. lol. ;) Hopefully people will begin to see me the way you guys do and the way Ash does. I think I need to take up taking pictures though. I really do love to do that and I can do it at anytime in my free time! Yay!