Time Goes By....

So I am thinking of getting back into blogging. Because I really used to love it and it helps me sort out my thoughts and it gives me something to do and a place to vent! Now that I am living in a new place I seem to have a lot of extra time one my hands. Don't know a lot of people. Don't have a lot of things to go to. And I don't have any homework because I'm not in school anymore! :S Its a little weird but I just have to adjust to the new life! Starting to though. And I am actually making some friends. The hardest part is living by myself... because I have never done it before and as much as I enjoy it sometimes, it can be super lonely at times too. I miss my sisters company because even if we didn't always talk there was someone there to talk to if you wanted to! Anyhow, thats it for now. Yay for Thursdays!

Yay San Diego!

Well it's been awhile..... almost a year. I don't think any of us really look at or read our blogs anymore. Maybe it was a phase thing. Grow out of ranting on the internet or who knows what. Then someone I know made a blog and it made me remember that I have one! Crazy. :)

I had a wicked weekend in San Diego with my father and his conference friends. I mostly did my own thing. Seeing the zoo, sea world, wild life park and the Midway aircraft carrier. It was a busy weekend. Good though. I had a lot of fun. Different to go about and keep busy by myself. Hopefully I didn't miss much here!

Too quick to trust....

You know I haven't wrote in this blog for months. It just doesn't seem to fit into time or the things I have to say aren't in the negative. It seems to be where I vent. And things have been good the last few months. And I let loose and get comfortable and back down and it bites me in the ass as usual. Here's hoping one day it will be better.

Moving Too Much...

I cannot wait to be done school to settle down for awhile. I feel like I am moving back and forth, back and forth. I mean I want to meet people but nothing is ever going to work if I am always moving around. I decided to join this chat/dating site and I have talked to a bunch of people and met a couple and I'm having fun but I have to move home in a month and then I won't be here all summer. So now it seems like a waste of time. But I still want to have some fun with it. So I guess I will try and just enjoy my time and see what happens. I don't think I am going to wait anymore because I am tired of waiting. It's all about going with the flow!

What is the point???

Man it had been so long since I blogged I almost forgot my password. You know I have things to say. But it's usually all the same, and it's usually about me and Kelsey fighting or maybe just the fact that I feel Kelsey basically does nothing without instruction if she does it at all. It sucks and it makes me angry. A lot. And for the most part I have no interest to be here or around her because it only puts me in a bad mood. Seriously. I want to go to a movie by myself now. And I should have gone to Walmart without her because I only felt rushed and annoyed. And I want to spend money that I don't have. And I hate that stupid RCMP who gave me a speeding ticket that I also had to pay off and the stupid phone/cable/internet bill that is $100 a month. Fucking bullshit. So basically I am paying more here for rent and utilities then if I was in Edmonton with you guys. I really wish my program wasn't just here. I really wish I didn't have to grow up yet and pay bills. I really wish that I could find something in my life to be happy about. Because there isn't a lot. The happy days come in small numbers. I have no motivation what so ever..... blah.

FUCK I HATE HER RIGHT NOW!

Well that was interesting....

So my weekend was eventful, or at least Friday was. The trip to Lethbridge was pretty good most of the way, then we hit Medicine Hat. First of all there was a ton of construction areas so the speed limit was all over the place and apparently I missed one of those areas because I got pulled over for speeding and the sheriff was a total jackass. To my sister to who was following me. Like what the hell?? So I was mad. Then we went to a kegger with Kait and Jason and their friends. We drank a lot of beer. Played some beer pong which I have never done before and I guess me and Ashley suck together. We were a bit of a disaster. Mostly really drunk. Anyways, sometime during this craziness I managed to break my toe. Don't really know how it just started to hurt. And then the next morning I wake up and it kind of hurts and I can't really move it and then I notice that it is black/purple. Haha. Good times.

The rest of the weekend was pretty chill and uneventful. Went shopping Saturday and then to dinner with the parentals. Then drank some at Jason's place and attempted to go out dancing but we were to impatient to wait outside in the cold wind. So we went to the Duke and drank some then went back to Jason's and crashed. Good times. Saw Kristin Sunday which was nice then headed home to Calgary for the night. Watched some movie and didn't do much of anything then came back to toon town today. Ash had to drive part of the way cause my foot hurt and I had to break a toe on the foot I need to drive with. Fun times.

I have determined I should not leave a city to visit people because I seem to get speeding tickets or hurt myself or both. Stupid really!

What do I have to do??

I am sitting here bored at my computer not sure what to do. I guess I could study or read. But it's so boring. And really I would love to hang out with any person other than my sister because I already see her so much. I just want friends that I can hang out with on a regular week night. Where I can go to their house or they can come here and we can watch a movie or chat or maybe go out for coffee or something. Seriously I feel deprived. I mean when I am at work I still don't have that much normal conversation. Most of the time it's do you want coffee and then taking peoples orders.

I went shopping by myself the other day because I wanted to go shopping cause I had this desire to buy clothes and I just wasn't sure who I could even call. I mean Ash is probably busy with homework because vet med is demanding and I want some other person I can call to hang out. I don't really have that and most of the people I do know are guys and I seriously am not as comfortable just calling them up. Plus I am pretty sure most of them aren't bug 'shoppers'. It's just frustrating. Boring and frustrating. I mean I talk to all of 4 people on msn. 2 of them being my parents. No one is ever on or responds. It's a lonely life.

And the worst part is I like it here and my program but I just don't know who I can even talk to. Am I going to walk through the next few years zombie like? No care about anything or no one to care about me? What do I have to do to find someone. How do I put myself out there? Should I approach people or somehow become more approachable. I am eating candy and chocolate because I'm craving and I have been wanting to get into shape but at the same time I am wondering what for. I doesn't seem to make a bit of difference and doesn't make me any more happy. I have been working out for 2 months consistently and if anything i have gained weight and I fell like my face is fatter, which is really discouraging. I mean I know it's not magic but seriously.

I have no idea how to boost my confidence. Maybe I just don't care. Is there a point to any of this any part of life. I feel like I am just waisting it all away, for nothing. Maybe I should go back to Venice and blow glass for a year. At least I know I would have something that would make me consistently happy. And There is sooo much to see around there would I even need anyone?? Why can't I find someone who cares about me as much as I seem to care about everyone else?? Why does it seem so easy for some people and yet they aren't always happy either. Will I ever be happy????