It's all good guys!!!

So he came. As I am sure most of you are aware by now. I went out and didn't see him but it's a good thing I stayed there to study cause I saw him walk by and I went up to him and he had been like in this little corner where there is a table and it's quieter. I guess I just have to look harder. Hahah. Anyways, we chatted and it was fun. He's cute and super nice. The funny thing is I think he was actually more nervous then I was. I mean after I saw him I was like "Yay he's here. This is good." And I was happy. But we sat down at a table and he kept playing with his hat and figiting and he was doing the leg shake thing, which made the table shake but I didn't think it would be nice to ask him to stop cause it was already weird for him. lol. Oh man. It was good. I was happy all day. And then my mommy tried to call me this afternoon. First time this year. Someone actually loves me!! Hahah. Good good. But boys are bad cause they are distracting. I mean I think a lot of it today had to do with me meeting him for the first time but I was just like off in my own little world all day. It was great, although unproductive. Haha. But ya just thought I would share and inform all that the situation rebounded and it's all good! Love you all!
Kimmy

Fuck

K guys I actually make a point of coming to see him and he isn't there. So I come to the computer lab to inform you and make myself not look like an idiot and that I'm here for a reason. I was sorta scared walking over here and now I feel... weird cause he's not there. Aahhh. I'm like shaking. Why? Is he there and I didn't see him. Or maybe he happened to be in the washroom at that exact time. Fuck! This is so not cool. I got up early for this. I mean I was sorta looking for him but he did say that he was going to wear a red shirt or white hoodie. Seriously I didn't see either. Like what the hell. So fucked up! K I need to calm down. I can't freak about this. I will go check once more and if he's not there I will go somewhere to do homework. Ok. I'm leaving now...

bitter.......

You know I don't think anyone will undrestand this blog but I don't give a fuck cause I need to vent and it will do me some good so I d0n't go shit a brick especially on a certain someone!!!! No one knows though because no one know me and they don't really know what's happening tonight cause it was crazy and I'm not part of the the little duo. No I'm on my own folks. Just like its always been. I should have excepted it by now but I really haven't. Seriously I am mad and feel really evil right now. I mean like if i stated saying something I would be the measinst ass bitch right now and that's not me so I have locked myself in my room to prevent that. AAHHHHHAHAHHAHAHAHUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHUHUA. I am so mad. Why am I so mad. I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE. WHY DO I BOTHER. THAT'S IT I'M DONE. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have no idea how a punching bag would be so super awesome right now. Breath Kim breath...... Why do people have to play favorites, or say they don't need anyone or just have to be a plain old BITCH. i seriously can't even do this and I don't want to say anything else because I just don't know. You know something. All I wanted to do tonight was walk home with James. Just walk home. Alison and Leanne and Eric were ahead of me and I had no one. Just me and James and then he had to be difficult and says that he doesn't need anyone to walk him home and this shit and that. I seriously didn't care how drunk he was, I just wanted SOMEBODY to walk home with but I guess I couldn't even have that. And you know what I come back and turn on my comp and Dylan says hi and I have to ask myself why I wouldn't hang out or date that kid because HE CARES. He really does and he listened to me rant and rave and tried to make me feel better with no complaints. Maybe he is what I am looking for. I know that I can trust him to be a true friend and to be ther for me cause he has shown or proven that to me which means a lot. It's funny how you find out who your friends are and who truly cares for you. And I mean TRULY. Wow this is going to sound supe bitchy but I don't even give a flying fuck because I seriously haven't been this mad in awhile. I don't get this mad. I am not having a good couple of days. I'm jsut not!

Lonley.....

K so so here is the thing. I never used to care if I had anyone and I usually still don't care, but for whatever reason I cared today. I was thinking and it's depressing. I was remembering this convo I had with my cousin Katie this summer about relationships and marriage and kids. I wanted to have kids young but considering I'm like 19.5 and I have neverr had a boyfriend i can't see that happening anytime soon. I mean I know it's stupid and I have plenty of time but it hit me today. And I truly feel lonely. I think I notice it more too because there are a lot of people on the floor that are in relationships or just got out of them and the flirting and so on and so forth. I CAN'T DO IT!!! Seriously. I considered hanging out with Marco when he was in town and going to his hotel because I wanted someone and I kinda miss him even though I haven't seen him in a year. I mean there are some really cool guys on the floor but there is the whole floor cest thing and I watch other people hanging out/ flirting and I feel like I don't belong or that I'm invaiding what they have. I mean it's just Abby's personality but she hangs with a bunch of the guys and cuddles and such. First John now James. Who I sort of like but I think I just like his honesty and chill attitude. I JUST DO NOT KNOW!! AAAAHHHHH. But I do love the girls on the floor this year. Now that I'm getting to know them I'm getting more comfortable again. It's good. And then being back here with my girls again. But me and Leanne aren't roomies anymore so I feel more alone because I talk less with her. And I love Ali but I still feel like a third wheel when I am with her and Leanne. Why, WHY do I always feel out of place. I mean I'm one of the most social people I know and yet I think people are scared of me or they just get annoyed with me and I don't know what I can do. And talking about this shit makes me want to cry. The tears are coming. It's 3:30 am on a friday night and I am fucking writing a blog and I sat on my ass all night and didn't do anything that was super fun or exciting. I don't have a lot of days where I don't have homework or free time and I wasted it. TO make matters worse I feel like I'm going to puke cause I have a stomach ache and no tums. grrrr. Oh and this whole guy situation. I never meet anybody. Maybe a random few guys seem to have liked me over the years. Like 3 and they have all been shorter and lighter then me and that freaks me out. I want someone that could actually puch me around. I know that sounds stupid but it's true and I'm frustrated. And with girls and guys is always a competition. To many people liking the same people and who likes who and what not..... I dunno know what I am even talking about anymore. This is like a random frustrated blab session that no one will even read except for maybe Dani because she seems to be the only one that reads them and cares. Which I love you for!!! I'm going to miss you this weekend. :( I will drink for you! One last little note before I bid you adue, I met this guy on Nexopia and he is decent looking and nice and so much fun to talk to and his name is Chris but there is no hope there cause nothing will ever happen with that. So ya that's that. Take this all with a grain of salt cause its pure babble that allowed me to sort out my thoughts. Later.

Much to talk about!

So I have a lot to say but right now all I really want to mention is that my new lab partner for Physics 124 in 32. Ya that's right. Some guy that decides he wants to go back to school after like 10 years. And i get stuck with him. He doesn't even understand significant digits. SUCH A SIMPLE CONCEPT!!! Aaaahhhh. He turned out to be ok I guess but its still creepy right. I think so. Just though I would share. Later.

Back in Edmonton!

So I'm finally back in Edmonton and I'm glad to be back but sadly I'm not even in the party mood. I mean it is like 1:20 but I haven't drank at all tonight and I'm tired and just want to go to sleep. I still have stuff to unpack but I guess I will get to that tomorrow. Meh. Just thought I would let you all know what's happening. Good luck with school and can't wait too party and hand with everyone and make new friends. Later!

Summers ending....

So these last couple of weeks have been good. I got second in the Ghost wakeboard competition. It was fun. I got a new pair of shorts out of it. :) It was a fun weekend but Katie ditched me for Tyler. Haha. I knew that was coming. But I was stuck with the boys. I was going to go to bed early but then I didn't anyways. I had my fun. Then I went to John Mellencamp which made for a good weekend. Man was that a good weekend. Ashley's kegger. Hahaha. you should just see the pictures. I don't even know how much I had to drink. A lot. I thought I went to bed at like 2 apparently it was like 5. It was fun. Then I worked and I finished work this last week. Me and Leanne worked so hard to finish our project and we did. At like exactly 4:30 Friday afternoon. It was awesome. We got it done, and we did good!! I'm proud of what we did. And then I went to Megregor this last weekend to camp and boat. It's was my last chance of the year. And I had an awesome time. Saturday I had the best ski of my life on beautiful water and I probably had the best wakeboard too. I love my new board and I had a lot of fun this weekend. Saturday night I drove Katie, Tyler, Robert and Jordan into town for ice cream and we walked around and I met some crazy Vulcan people. It was fun. And we didn't even end up drinking but I still had a good time. Haha. And I sleep like a rock right. Katie told me Monday that she snuck out early in the morning to hang with Tyler and I guess she was supper loud and I didn't hear a thing. Tyler has no idea how she didn't wake me up. Lol. That's what happens when you live in rez with noisy people. So I went to the farm for a few days because I miss is and I wanted to help out like I used too. So I helped Katie paint her grandparents garage. Man were we messy but we had fun singing and talking. Why can't everyone be so easy to talk too, seriously. I helped Robert clean bins Tuesday. That wasn't too bad. Haha. Except for maybe the mice. The last bin we cleaned had a bunch of mice in it. Robert was weed whacking so I was going to start by myself but when I opened the door there were like 3 little mice huddled together. I mean I am not scared of mice at all. I could have pet them right there but I left the bin and and told Robert because I knew we had to get ride of them and I was sure not doing it. He was going to hand me the shovel and I said there was no way in hell I was going to kill those mice. I could not do it. So he went in there and I heard banging and yelling ( I should mention here my cousin is crazy) and then these dead mice come flying outta the bin. Roberts laughing. Says there was like 10 of them in there. I guess he hit one with a screwdriver. Nice hey. Soooo violent. There was blood splattered on the shovel. Ewww. Oh and to make matters more interesting I went in there again and found another one so he had to kill that one too. Then I found another one hiding. I was like awww and I called Robert and then I told the mouse to run or he was going to be sorry. Well of course he didn't run. Robert comes in sorta pokes him and the mouse goes running around the bin and Robert goes after the mouse with a shovel. Well I left the bin. It was so sad. He had to kill a baby too. :( He laughed at me and said I had such a sad look on my face. Yes I was sad that he killed a mouse. What can I say I'm an animal lover. That made for an interesting day. Oh and it's not just a city girl thing either. My cousin and aunt both said they wouldn't have done it either, so there. I came home Wednesday and I took Katie to Tylers which was cute because they are so good for each other and I was glad that I could help. Then I went with my mom to greet my sister at the airport since she was coming back from her month long trip. It was good to see her. I miss her sometimes. We have some good talks, like last night in the hot tub. I miss talking to my sis all the time. That's about all I've done though. I didn't even get dressed today. I just stayed in the house and packed. I can't believe I'm moving back in only a few days. I am so excited to see people and go out but I'm going to miss being home too. There is so much here that I'm missing it seems. But then I would miss stuff in Edmonton too. You just can't will or have it all in life. Kinda sucks really but what can you do. You know I think I don't want to go back cause I'm truly not ready for school yet. I still don't even know what I want to do. I need to figure that out and then maybe I will have more motivation. Or lets hope!! But I should sleep. So I will talk to you all later.