fuck me

Ok I can't do this. Today was a terrible day and it was going better tonight but little things somehow always ruin it. Like seriously. How do I manage to do things that make people mad. I dunno. I'm just not going to talk anymore and then maybe my problems will be solved. Be a hermit and hide out in my room studying all the time. Hey maybe it's a good idea. At least then maybe I won't fail university and get kicked out. That will be just peachy!!! Fuck maybe I should anyways and then I could get my year off that I wanted since my dad and mom don't think it's a good idea. I mean I don' t know if it is either since I have already done 1.5 years. Well getting there. Not thats really all that much. Most of my courses seem pretty usless to me right now anyways. What am I going to do with any of it. Fuck school. I have to decide real soon what I plan on doing because I need to do well or I'm fucked. AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH. Oh and the major reason why my day was crappy in the first place is because first of all I had an 8:00 am art class which went by so quick and I had pretty much no time to work on my project because the teacher talked so much and I wasn't sure what to do. Like fuck. So now I will probably be in the art studios for the remainder of the weekend working on that shit plus studying for my Bio 108 midterm next week and working on Physics so I don't fail my final like I failed my midterm. Yeah I got that back today too. A nice 25 out of 65. Not good. Why physics. Why am I taking a class that is guaranteed to bring my mark down. That was smart Kim. GENIOUS. Oh and to make things that much better I had my Physics lab today too. First off I go into my regular lab room and there are a lot of peopl there I don't know..... what the fuck right. Well I guess they decided to change our lab rooms around this week. Randomly.... I dunno. Then the lab was a mess, cause it's Physics and things never work in Physics. It took us forever to get out data so we were rushing to try and finish our lab and we didn't . We went like 15 minutes over as it is. But no we probably failed. Just great. Just what I need to add to that nice midterm mark! Seriously I should have gone out and got drunk tonight. I think I would have been better off. Although I did watch The Italian Job and had a nap through part of it. Had a good little chat with Leanne and then we watched Mean Girls in the lounge which was quite entertaining. I hate life, it is far to complicated just like people. I wanna say that I wish it was simple but then people would say that it wouldn't be exciting without the drama. Oh well what can you do? I am really missing my family right now but on the other hand I was kinda getting annoyed with my mom tonight. Like why does she have to know EVERYTHING that is going on. That's why I moved away from home in the first place but it really doesn't seem to have changed much. I dunno I think I was just in a bad mood and didn't feel like talking. Plus she is harping on me about school and I fucking know that I have to do good. I KNOW. There is that little thing in the back of my head that is constantly saying if you fail this you could get kicked out of university. You could be a failure. Don't you think I know. I am tired of having it rubbed in my face. Maybe I just won't tell them how I am doing and deal with shit on my own. Just tell them I'm doing awesome and leave it at that. I think that's all I can handle. Grrr. Seriously I just want to go home where I can have a nice shower and where I don't have to wait like 2 minutes for it to heat up in the morning. To have my room back with my nice big bed and nice sheets. To have good food, to sleep, to have to some fun with my closest friends and to just relax. I want my hot tub. That will be nice to go home to. Why did I move away from home??? Seriously I have to wonder, because it seems to much better there sometimes. I mean I could be driving my car right now if I was at home. I miss my car!! I love driving. I miss not having to pay for laundry or having to wait or having someone randomly put my clothes somewhere. Wow I just want to go home right now. I need home. Soon enough it will come. Wow it feels good to get that out.

So about the weekend. I'll try to make this short. I was pissed with Chris on Friday because we were supposed to hang out and we weren't so I got mad at him and we had a good discussion and at least now I knoe where he stands. I dont' think he wants a relationship but I'm going to do my thing and if something happens then it happens and if something doesn't then it's all good. I was glad that I had been here though because I was here for Dani when she got sick and I was happy to comfort her and to support her. Now she is getting better!! Love you Dani. Then Chris ended up calling me at like 1:00 in the morning and asked if I wanted to come over and habng out and watch a movie, so I did, and it was nice. I got to see Garden State and to just sleep beside someone was nice. And then there is Alison who is always looking out for me. Giving me a call at who knows what time to be careful and be aware of my actions. Haha. :) Gotta love friends. Then Saturday was our floor crawl. What a fucking gong show. I had a lot of shots. All of them. Just like a lot of other people yet somehow I was one of the only people functioning and not passed out or puking. Oh man. What a night. Leanne I will always love you even if you do puke on my bed. Haha. It's ok. Taking care of people is what I do I guess. I mean I am not going to lie I was so fucking drunk yet somehow I kept it together. I'm just glad everone is alive and well. Oh alcohol. So that was a good night. Sunday was a right off because everyone was hung over and that was the end of that. It was an all around interesting weekend. But I think I am going to shut up now because this blog had turned into one of my classic Reader's Digest versions which go on forever and ever and I have no clue if anyone will get throught the whole thing. So if you did I hope that it was at least entertaining. Night all.