Chicken Shit

I am the biggest chicken shit and failure on the face of this planet. I don't even have enough self confidence to go and ask someone out because I am constantly thinking why would anyone want me. Nothing is ever going to change. This is the way it is. I don't like the people that like me and the people I like don't like me back. Anyone I have ever liked, in junior high, high school, University, they are all out of my league. Who do I think I am. Maybe I am trying to fit into a lifestyle instead of being happy as I am. I dunno. All I know is that I try to be happy with what I have but I always seem to find something wrong. Is nothing good enough or am I just un-accepting of my life and what it is.

I am so scared that he isn't going to like me or that I will mess up the friendship that we have developed that I can't even ask him out. Why couldn't it be the way it is now after, even if he says no. I mean he isn't the only person I talk to. I have made friends with almost all of the 4th years, most of the 3rd years and a bunch of the second years. So what is my problem. I couldn't tell you because I don't even understand my thoughts or irrational thinking. Am I crazy??? I think so. I wish I could just bury myself in a hole and just avoid people, maybe it would make my life that much easier.

The only way this is going to get done is if I just walk up to him and say it straight up or send him a text message. But how lame is it to send a text message. If I can't even talk to the dude in person how well would the whole situation work out anyways. FUCK I HATE MY BRAIN AND ALL THOUGHT!!!

So here is the deal. If you don't hear anything by Monday I haven't done it and probably never will. So that's it. The whole situation is going to be over. We won't talk about it ever again. I will do my school work, and get a job to occupy my time and fly through this semester like it never happened. The end. Done, finished, finito. That's it.