I am constantly weighting the pros and cons of staying here in Calgary to go to school or trying to go back to Edmonton. I mean I thought I loved it here but now I am not so sure. Classes are pretty good but I have no idea what I want to do. Glass would be fun but seriously where would I get with that. Probably no where. And I’m still not sure that I really want to do glass for four years or if I just like hanging out and helping people. And really most of my good memories come from when I was in Edmonton with my friends and meeting people. I never go out here. I think I have been to the bar 3 times this entire year in Calgary. Personally I think that is sad. And it’s not even that I don’t want to it’s the fact that I really don’t know anyone to go with. Not like you guys. I hang out with the glass people, and I am becoming pretty good friends with them, but not good enough. I hang with them when it has to do with glass. Other then that they all have other lives, I don’t. I haven’t met many other people. I would love to go out with some of the people I know in other circumstances but I don’t know if they realize they are my only friends. I mean they will ask me what are you up to tonight, and I almost always say nothing. But that doesn’t seem to matter. They do their thing and very rarely am I invited to go with. Seriously I wouldn’t even care if I was hanging out with a bunch of guys right now. I usually do fine with them anyways. No one cares about me the way you guys do.
Actually now that I really think about it, I hate my life here. If I could move the program I am in at ACAD to Edmonton I would move back in a heartbeat. I like school here but that is the only reason why I am still here. I kind of wish I never met Jaan. It probably would have made this year so much easier for me socially. If I had the will power to stay away I would. But I can’t. And the only reason why I say that is because if I don’t hang out there and with them when I can I really would be a looser. I would be at home half the time and in class every other time and I wouldn’t go out at all and my life would be even sadder than it already is. EERRRRRR. I am so angry right now. They don’t care, no one does. I should have just left well enough alone. Why did I have to ask Jaan? Why did he have to answer and say yes. He doesn’t care. We probably will never go. I mean I might try and bring it up, but why bother. I wish I could just find a guy to make out with. I really would love to do that right now. Oh here is another thing. I have been thinking about calling Marco up lately and seeing if he wants to hang out because I hate my social life so much. He’s better than nothing. But I don’t want to resort to anything. :( I am not having a pointless relationship. I need to meet some random in a chat room and hang out with him. That would make my life more interesting.
What the hell is my problem? WHO AM I?????
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