Who am I kidding?

I'm having one of my serious issue depressed moments again. I seriously can't help it lately. And who am I to think that anyone would really want me. I think I am delusional at times. Seriously. I never know what's going on up in my head. All of the sudden I get emotional and shit and then I'm in trouble. And this week I have my period. Because I decided to skip it this last week cause of tests and stuff. I seriously hate having my period lately because I have been acting so strange. I'm not sure what has happened with me. I am starting to wonder if this newer birth control I'm on actually has too much hormones in it cause I swear I am never myself anymore. I dunno, I dunno. I'm kinda glad that I have a job now. Because really it occupies my mind for some of the time and I have less time to think about other things. I seriously hope I meet someone randomly some day. I know they say when you stop looking is when it happens. But even though I'm like I won't find anyone, and I don't look, nothing comes. It's me. We were having this random discussion at work the other day. And I think I'm the fat girl that has personality. We were talking about what people would say or how they might describe you or something and I swear that's what I am, the girl that is loud and has personality. That's it. I'm the fat, ugly girl that everyone sees as the mom figure. Thanks mom. And I totally cater to that too, not on purpose, but it's my nature. Someone leaves garbage, I'll throw it away. I put it on myself, this image, but I can't get away from it because it happens to be who I am. Seriously if I didn't know that you guys loved me and my family loved me and that you would miss me I have to wonder if I would still be here. Because I don't care about much else most of the time. I'm like what's the point, I'm not happy most of the time, so why bother. It's stupid I know but I can't help it. I feel so worthless. EEERRRRRRR. Don't mind me, I have mental issues. Move on Kim, move on.