maybe one day I will understand...

I never seem to know what's going on or where people are coming from. I think I just see things totally different then everyone else. Maybe it was the way I was raised or the people I have always know but I'm just different. I can't seem to win. I never really fight back or stand up for myself. I just walk away. I don't know. I JUST DON'T KNOW. FUCK. I seriously can't do this. I hate this. All of it. What does the man upstairs have against me. Now I am sounding like my sister. Why am so sad? Why can't things work out for me? Why can't I get my shit together? Why can't I understand? I CAN'T DO IT. I can't deal with all of this shit. It's too much for me. Why am I even here, in Edmonton. I have so much back home, but yet I want to get away from that sometimes. I mean I feel like it's totally pointless for me to be in school because I don't even know what I'm doing so I have no motivation half the time. And when I do get shit done it seems like I never get sleep and it all just bites me in the ass. AAAHHHHH!!! Now I'm getting a headache. I don't need this shit. I hate being in a bad mood. It's depressing and then people are like what's wrong blah blah. It just doesn't matter. I need to figure out what I want and what's important. So stupid. Grrr. I'm done.

worst day ever....

I seriously fell like crap and today was just a shitty day. I don't even want to elaborate that much cause most of you know what's going on anyways. Basically, I need to get homework done sooner, I need to party less even though I wanna party more and I really don't party that much, I need to stop procrastinating, I need to stop staying up to all hours of the night, I need to get better, I need to stop sleeping in for class and I just need to get my act together. I just wish things would work out for me for once. It shouldn't be this complicated. I want life to be fun. I hate being frustrated all the time. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'll get over it, but it still sucks. I don't know what I would do without you my girlies. Love you all.

starting to understand

I think I'm starting to understand where my head is at. Why I'm making a big deal out of the whole Chris situation and maybe even talking/ thinking about sex more. Something Leanne said the other day kinda turned a lightbulb on. It was something like "Are you that determined to have sex now???" Then I was thinking about what she said and it hit me. I am sorta thinking about having sex but I'm also thinking about being in a relationship and hanging out with a guy. It's like one of those COSMO articles that talks about women in there 30's who decide that they need to find a man and start having babies because their biological clock is ticking. For me it's this little thing going off in my head saying KIM YOU ARE ALMOST 20 AND YOU HAVE NEVER HAD A REAL RELATIONSHIP AND WHERE IS THAT GOING TO GET YOU. MEET SOME PEOPLE, GROW UP, BECOME AN ADULT, YOUR NOT SO YOUNG ANYMORE!
I mean really I'm not that old I know people are setteling down at a later age and yadda yadda yadda. But still. I need something, someone. Seriously it sucks not having anyone to see or to call and whatever. It's depressing. And with everything else going on with school and my sister it just seems so much worse right now cause my emotions are all over the place. I CAN'T DO IT!!! I mean I can... BUT I CAN'T. I will shut down. There is only so much Kim can handle. I hate being strong and the one some people can turn to cause it's hard. But at the same time I don't think I would be the same person without it. I like being able to help people. It makes me feel good. Oh god. I'm going to need to be put in a phsyco institution. That sentence doesn't even make sense. Ya I will try to explain later when I can think straight and actually have time.

things can change so fast...

I have to agree with Dani, things are fucked up and shit can change so quickly. Like why am I having so many problems with Chris already. I mean I can't see this relationship going anywhere especially because we can't even seem to plan to get together and we aren't even dating. I mean he acts like he wants to see me and then he won't fucking come and get me or asks if i will take a cab. I am not taking a fucking cab. That's just stupid, and not fair. Why can't he ever come here. He always wants me to come there when it would be SO EASY for him to come here after class or something. Like seriously. He makes it so complicated. But what really makes me mad I tried to tell him that I want to see him more and I sent him a drunk email last night clearly stating how I feel and he hadn't acknowleged it at all. Should I have to ask about it. NO. He should write me back or talk to me about it. But he isn't. Everytime I email him I have to ask him later anyways cause he never emails me back and he never answers my questions. Like who does that. Why do I even put the effort in. Ok, now I'm getting worked up again. I was better after going to work out but maybe I'm not actually better. FUCK!! I am going to ask him about it and if shit doesn't change I will simply tell him that he just isn't good enough for me and I will go out and have my fun and maybe meet someone who actually wants to hang out with me and who will make the effort. TALKING ON MSN IS NOT A RELATIONSHIP!!! I really can't do this. I am going to work on Bio. Be productive and maybe things with blow over.... I have to do something else cause thinking about it only makes it worse. Love you all. Thanks for listening to my phsyco babble. Later.

In a Good Mood!!

Happy! I am actually, trully happy for the first time in awhile. I feel great and a lot of it I'm not even sure why. I'm just in a good mood. Which kinda random since this time of the month is supposed to make me bitchy... Weird I know. Anyways, I guess I had a pretty good day today. Got more sleep. Went to the chiro. Saw Chris even though I didn't say hi it was nice to see him. Fuck you know what I think I'm just really obsessed right now which is really not that good but thats alright, cause it makes me happy. Haha. Oh man am I hyper/ going crazy. You know what I'm not going to lie. Chris added to my good mood too. It's funny because he just says stuff that makes me laugh and just makes me happy to be me. :) This is seriously not good for my health. I like this kid way to much. NOT GOOD! Snap out of it Kim. Someone needs to slap me!

Moving on, Thanksgiving was awesome this weekend. I got to see family and friends. The weather was nice. I had fun drinking and playing cards. Some good food! Oh and it was my cousin Jason's 18th and we went to the Roadhouse in Calgary and I had an awesome time. It was good to be home. I miss camping too. I need to get out more.
But I am going to go do homework now cause my Physics is due tomorrow and I haven't even done much!

Later Alligator

ps - I don't care if I spelt something wrong. Cause I'm too lazy to check!

why does history repeat itself??

History really does repeat itself. I feel like I am almost in the same situation I was in 4 years ago. Why me though. Like seriously, I just want a chance and this better not get fucked up. But I mean the whole story hasn't ended yet, we have to see what happens and then we will know for sure if it truly repeats itself but I just have that feeling, like it will. I almost dread it. It's strange. Most of you will have no idea what the fuck I am talking about it but that's ok cause I don't really feel like explaining and it's not really important I just had to write down what I was feeling. The funny thing is this just popped into my head last night and I am kinda sharing it late but I think part of it is all because somehow I am trying to tourture myself and I can't let myself get excited or comfortable so I'm making up excusses. You know when that happens???? I just hate it!! Oh well. I have studying to do. Later peeps.

never ending

Ok i had art at 8:00 this morning right. Ya well I was there for all three hours plus another 2 doing some assignments and I still have an unbelievable amount of shit to do. Art will kill me. I am falling behind in other things because I always have something to do for art and there is always something due for the next class. Seriously is she trying to kill me. Cause it's working. Ahhhh. You know what I don't care. I will do the best I can without freaking out or having a nervous breakdown and this year will go just fine. Just gotta think positive. Fuck I gotta go. Lab in 10 minutes and I didn't even read it over so I have NO CLUE what I am doing today. Hopefully it goes quickly. Later

Annoyed…

Why is it that I always feel like I’m the idiot when something doesn’t work out and it really isn’t my fault? It’s the whole expecting too much thing again. Although this instance is just stupid and not fair. Ok last night I was talking to Chris but then he said he was going to bed because he was tired. Then I decided that I wanted to see him, which I think is pretty normal. So I asked if he would be in ETLC this morning studying because he does that a lot. And he said that he would and that it would be fantastic if I came to visit. Ok that’s cool. So I went to bed at like 2:30 or so and was woken up by the fire alarm at 6:00. So loud and annoying. The stupid thing is the sound of that alarm has been haunting me all day now. It just sits there in my head. Beep, beep, beep. You know what I mean. Aaaahhhhhh!!! So anyways, after standing outside for like 15 minutes we all come back in and I decide that I will try and go back to sleep. Yeah that totally didn’t work. I was wide awake. No thanks to the door alarm that someone forgot to shut of. So I decided to get up at 7:00 and have some breakfast and I chilled in the lounge a bit with some peeps from my floor. Then I got ready and decided I had time to go visit Chris before my Bio workshop. So I walked over to ETLC and went upstairs. I went around the corner past the Tim Horton’s way at the back to find him because that’s where he said he sits. He wasn’t there. I didn’t see him anywhere up there in fact and I felt like an idiot wondering aimlessly. Grrrr. So I just went to my workshop and classes. I was falling asleep because 3.5 hours just doesn’t cut it for me. Oh well. Lunch was good though. Me and Eric were chilling in CAB having a pretty awesome conversation and then Wendy joined us and we were all chilling. At like 1:30 I left them and went to the Art building to do my drawing. I sat there till like 5:15. So long oh my god. Like my eyes hurt now from staring at lines. Then I came back here and now I’m writing this in a so so mood. I mean I still have to talk to Chris because I may have missed him or he might have slept in but I want to know why. We have not seen each other very much and he seems like he wants to hang out but then he seems to make it difficult sometimes too. Ok I really have to stop complaining and just except that I am going to be single forever and go on miserably with my stupid no goal oriented school life which I hate so much. I hate not know what I want to do. There is no point to me being here!!! Breath Kim, breath. It will all be ok.

It's all good guys!!!

So he came. As I am sure most of you are aware by now. I went out and didn't see him but it's a good thing I stayed there to study cause I saw him walk by and I went up to him and he had been like in this little corner where there is a table and it's quieter. I guess I just have to look harder. Hahah. Anyways, we chatted and it was fun. He's cute and super nice. The funny thing is I think he was actually more nervous then I was. I mean after I saw him I was like "Yay he's here. This is good." And I was happy. But we sat down at a table and he kept playing with his hat and figiting and he was doing the leg shake thing, which made the table shake but I didn't think it would be nice to ask him to stop cause it was already weird for him. lol. Oh man. It was good. I was happy all day. And then my mommy tried to call me this afternoon. First time this year. Someone actually loves me!! Hahah. Good good. But boys are bad cause they are distracting. I mean I think a lot of it today had to do with me meeting him for the first time but I was just like off in my own little world all day. It was great, although unproductive. Haha. But ya just thought I would share and inform all that the situation rebounded and it's all good! Love you all!
Kimmy

Fuck

K guys I actually make a point of coming to see him and he isn't there. So I come to the computer lab to inform you and make myself not look like an idiot and that I'm here for a reason. I was sorta scared walking over here and now I feel... weird cause he's not there. Aahhh. I'm like shaking. Why? Is he there and I didn't see him. Or maybe he happened to be in the washroom at that exact time. Fuck! This is so not cool. I got up early for this. I mean I was sorta looking for him but he did say that he was going to wear a red shirt or white hoodie. Seriously I didn't see either. Like what the hell. So fucked up! K I need to calm down. I can't freak about this. I will go check once more and if he's not there I will go somewhere to do homework. Ok. I'm leaving now...

bitter.......

You know I don't think anyone will undrestand this blog but I don't give a fuck cause I need to vent and it will do me some good so I d0n't go shit a brick especially on a certain someone!!!! No one knows though because no one know me and they don't really know what's happening tonight cause it was crazy and I'm not part of the the little duo. No I'm on my own folks. Just like its always been. I should have excepted it by now but I really haven't. Seriously I am mad and feel really evil right now. I mean like if i stated saying something I would be the measinst ass bitch right now and that's not me so I have locked myself in my room to prevent that. AAHHHHHAHAHHAHAHAHUHAHAHAHAHHAHAHUHUA. I am so mad. Why am I so mad. I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE. WHY DO I BOTHER. THAT'S IT I'M DONE. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You have no idea how a punching bag would be so super awesome right now. Breath Kim breath...... Why do people have to play favorites, or say they don't need anyone or just have to be a plain old BITCH. i seriously can't even do this and I don't want to say anything else because I just don't know. You know something. All I wanted to do tonight was walk home with James. Just walk home. Alison and Leanne and Eric were ahead of me and I had no one. Just me and James and then he had to be difficult and says that he doesn't need anyone to walk him home and this shit and that. I seriously didn't care how drunk he was, I just wanted SOMEBODY to walk home with but I guess I couldn't even have that. And you know what I come back and turn on my comp and Dylan says hi and I have to ask myself why I wouldn't hang out or date that kid because HE CARES. He really does and he listened to me rant and rave and tried to make me feel better with no complaints. Maybe he is what I am looking for. I know that I can trust him to be a true friend and to be ther for me cause he has shown or proven that to me which means a lot. It's funny how you find out who your friends are and who truly cares for you. And I mean TRULY. Wow this is going to sound supe bitchy but I don't even give a flying fuck because I seriously haven't been this mad in awhile. I don't get this mad. I am not having a good couple of days. I'm jsut not!

Lonley.....

K so so here is the thing. I never used to care if I had anyone and I usually still don't care, but for whatever reason I cared today. I was thinking and it's depressing. I was remembering this convo I had with my cousin Katie this summer about relationships and marriage and kids. I wanted to have kids young but considering I'm like 19.5 and I have neverr had a boyfriend i can't see that happening anytime soon. I mean I know it's stupid and I have plenty of time but it hit me today. And I truly feel lonely. I think I notice it more too because there are a lot of people on the floor that are in relationships or just got out of them and the flirting and so on and so forth. I CAN'T DO IT!!! Seriously. I considered hanging out with Marco when he was in town and going to his hotel because I wanted someone and I kinda miss him even though I haven't seen him in a year. I mean there are some really cool guys on the floor but there is the whole floor cest thing and I watch other people hanging out/ flirting and I feel like I don't belong or that I'm invaiding what they have. I mean it's just Abby's personality but she hangs with a bunch of the guys and cuddles and such. First John now James. Who I sort of like but I think I just like his honesty and chill attitude. I JUST DO NOT KNOW!! AAAAHHHHH. But I do love the girls on the floor this year. Now that I'm getting to know them I'm getting more comfortable again. It's good. And then being back here with my girls again. But me and Leanne aren't roomies anymore so I feel more alone because I talk less with her. And I love Ali but I still feel like a third wheel when I am with her and Leanne. Why, WHY do I always feel out of place. I mean I'm one of the most social people I know and yet I think people are scared of me or they just get annoyed with me and I don't know what I can do. And talking about this shit makes me want to cry. The tears are coming. It's 3:30 am on a friday night and I am fucking writing a blog and I sat on my ass all night and didn't do anything that was super fun or exciting. I don't have a lot of days where I don't have homework or free time and I wasted it. TO make matters worse I feel like I'm going to puke cause I have a stomach ache and no tums. grrrr. Oh and this whole guy situation. I never meet anybody. Maybe a random few guys seem to have liked me over the years. Like 3 and they have all been shorter and lighter then me and that freaks me out. I want someone that could actually puch me around. I know that sounds stupid but it's true and I'm frustrated. And with girls and guys is always a competition. To many people liking the same people and who likes who and what not..... I dunno know what I am even talking about anymore. This is like a random frustrated blab session that no one will even read except for maybe Dani because she seems to be the only one that reads them and cares. Which I love you for!!! I'm going to miss you this weekend. :( I will drink for you! One last little note before I bid you adue, I met this guy on Nexopia and he is decent looking and nice and so much fun to talk to and his name is Chris but there is no hope there cause nothing will ever happen with that. So ya that's that. Take this all with a grain of salt cause its pure babble that allowed me to sort out my thoughts. Later.

Much to talk about!

So I have a lot to say but right now all I really want to mention is that my new lab partner for Physics 124 in 32. Ya that's right. Some guy that decides he wants to go back to school after like 10 years. And i get stuck with him. He doesn't even understand significant digits. SUCH A SIMPLE CONCEPT!!! Aaaahhhh. He turned out to be ok I guess but its still creepy right. I think so. Just though I would share. Later.

Back in Edmonton!

So I'm finally back in Edmonton and I'm glad to be back but sadly I'm not even in the party mood. I mean it is like 1:20 but I haven't drank at all tonight and I'm tired and just want to go to sleep. I still have stuff to unpack but I guess I will get to that tomorrow. Meh. Just thought I would let you all know what's happening. Good luck with school and can't wait too party and hand with everyone and make new friends. Later!

Summers ending....

So these last couple of weeks have been good. I got second in the Ghost wakeboard competition. It was fun. I got a new pair of shorts out of it. :) It was a fun weekend but Katie ditched me for Tyler. Haha. I knew that was coming. But I was stuck with the boys. I was going to go to bed early but then I didn't anyways. I had my fun. Then I went to John Mellencamp which made for a good weekend. Man was that a good weekend. Ashley's kegger. Hahaha. you should just see the pictures. I don't even know how much I had to drink. A lot. I thought I went to bed at like 2 apparently it was like 5. It was fun. Then I worked and I finished work this last week. Me and Leanne worked so hard to finish our project and we did. At like exactly 4:30 Friday afternoon. It was awesome. We got it done, and we did good!! I'm proud of what we did. And then I went to Megregor this last weekend to camp and boat. It's was my last chance of the year. And I had an awesome time. Saturday I had the best ski of my life on beautiful water and I probably had the best wakeboard too. I love my new board and I had a lot of fun this weekend. Saturday night I drove Katie, Tyler, Robert and Jordan into town for ice cream and we walked around and I met some crazy Vulcan people. It was fun. And we didn't even end up drinking but I still had a good time. Haha. And I sleep like a rock right. Katie told me Monday that she snuck out early in the morning to hang with Tyler and I guess she was supper loud and I didn't hear a thing. Tyler has no idea how she didn't wake me up. Lol. That's what happens when you live in rez with noisy people. So I went to the farm for a few days because I miss is and I wanted to help out like I used too. So I helped Katie paint her grandparents garage. Man were we messy but we had fun singing and talking. Why can't everyone be so easy to talk too, seriously. I helped Robert clean bins Tuesday. That wasn't too bad. Haha. Except for maybe the mice. The last bin we cleaned had a bunch of mice in it. Robert was weed whacking so I was going to start by myself but when I opened the door there were like 3 little mice huddled together. I mean I am not scared of mice at all. I could have pet them right there but I left the bin and and told Robert because I knew we had to get ride of them and I was sure not doing it. He was going to hand me the shovel and I said there was no way in hell I was going to kill those mice. I could not do it. So he went in there and I heard banging and yelling ( I should mention here my cousin is crazy) and then these dead mice come flying outta the bin. Roberts laughing. Says there was like 10 of them in there. I guess he hit one with a screwdriver. Nice hey. Soooo violent. There was blood splattered on the shovel. Ewww. Oh and to make matters more interesting I went in there again and found another one so he had to kill that one too. Then I found another one hiding. I was like awww and I called Robert and then I told the mouse to run or he was going to be sorry. Well of course he didn't run. Robert comes in sorta pokes him and the mouse goes running around the bin and Robert goes after the mouse with a shovel. Well I left the bin. It was so sad. He had to kill a baby too. :( He laughed at me and said I had such a sad look on my face. Yes I was sad that he killed a mouse. What can I say I'm an animal lover. That made for an interesting day. Oh and it's not just a city girl thing either. My cousin and aunt both said they wouldn't have done it either, so there. I came home Wednesday and I took Katie to Tylers which was cute because they are so good for each other and I was glad that I could help. Then I went with my mom to greet my sister at the airport since she was coming back from her month long trip. It was good to see her. I miss her sometimes. We have some good talks, like last night in the hot tub. I miss talking to my sis all the time. That's about all I've done though. I didn't even get dressed today. I just stayed in the house and packed. I can't believe I'm moving back in only a few days. I am so excited to see people and go out but I'm going to miss being home too. There is so much here that I'm missing it seems. But then I would miss stuff in Edmonton too. You just can't will or have it all in life. Kinda sucks really but what can you do. You know I think I don't want to go back cause I'm truly not ready for school yet. I still don't even know what I want to do. I need to figure that out and then maybe I will have more motivation. Or lets hope!! But I should sleep. So I will talk to you all later.

Sittin on top of the world!!!

So I have to say that I am in in best mood tonight at 11:00. Seriously I think part of it is the lack of sleep right now, which I should be doing. But I'm not. I think I'm just enjoying the last of my summer. This was one of the best weekends of the summer for me other then the last kegger, holidays and last weekend. Friday I got 2 new bras, one free one cause of my bra card so I saved myself $40. Which is always nice. Then I went to Ashley's for her and Dave's going away Kegger which was awesome. Seriously I'm going to miss them. But anyways I started off with a beer and then I went into drinking my micki of spiced rum. I drank almost all of it in 2 drinks with like a shot or 2 left in the bottom. Plus I had 2 or 3 tequila shots and I chuged a good load of Eric's Gin and 7Up. Man was that good. Hahaha. I was right fucked and the funny thing is I thought I remembered a lot until people started telling me stories. I took a lot of pictures though and let me tell you there were some good ones. I love pictures. Oh man there is so much to tell. I have many a stories. I will have to leave you hanging a few hours until I get the chance to finish. Right now I need sleep. Serious sleep. So I am leaving you to wonder about my mysterious, fun crazy weekend of entertainment. Have a good week all!! I know mine has started out just right.

Peace

It's been awhile.....

So I haven't wrote a long blog in awhile, and I don't know how long this one will be cause I can only type so fast and my laptop may die before I finish. But that's ok. This will probably be a random bable anyways. So I'm not even sure what I have talked about in the last while but I'll fill you in a little. Today was the airport golf tournament and I got payed for like a 11 hour day to do pretty much nothing and I was fed. So I don't know what else to talk about. I mean my summer has been pretty much work. I went on my 10 day holiday to Sandpoint Holiday. I was drinking every night. I was hanging with my friends, a lot of my guy friends. I miss hanging with them. They put a different, fun perspective on thing sometimes. You know some people say, even me that they need to grow up but I like being childish with them sometimes. It's weird really but I trust them and some of my best memories are hanging with them. Why is it that I always have a lot of fun with them. You know I have to wonder if I just need to loosen up and just be a little gutsy. Find other people to have some fun with. Aaahhh. I dunno. I need to figure out what I really want to do with my life. Why is it so hard? I just have no idea. I'm so confussed. I really just need to do some thinking. Hmm, so there hasn't been much more that has happened since them except this weekend. I went in the Chestermere Wakefest wakeboard competition and I got first for girls, which was exciting. Plus I got to watch pro riders which is so awesome. I wish I could be that good. They had some good prizes too. I won a t-shirt and a belt from a girls riding company. Which was cool. Then they were throwing stuff into the crowd and I got a skid shirt, a nice long sleeve, red fox one. It's cool. But I have to say the best part of the whole thing was when I won a wakeboard. Brand new $700 Liquid Force 125. It's sweet. And I just got lucky cause it was a draw thing. Tyler won the wake skate and I was like k we have to be done now there is no way any of us other guys have a chance now, and then Jeff Price (pro rider, kinda cute, but a bit cocky) was like Jakowski, and I was like WHAT! NO WAY! Then they made fun of me and were like no we were kidding you can't have it! Hahaha. Crazyness. So that was the big excitement. We hung out at the Ponto's on Saturday night cause it was a whole weekend thing and then we had flank steak and stuff which is always good. We stayed over and played some pool and watched some movies. I got to hang with Tyler a little bit and chat cause Leanne and Darren were hanging and Heather and Matt were hanging so I kinda needed a buddy. It was good. I got to know him better. I also realized how much he really is like in love with my cousin Katie. Haha. So cute. Maybe he will come to the farm when I go and we can hang out some more. This summer has been decent. I'm happy. I miss seeing these guys more though. It's not the same as it used to be. There is more fun to come though. Ashley is having another Kegger tomorrow night!! Woowho! Oh did I tell you about the last one. I was so drunk I don't remember talking to Leanne on the phone for like 5 minutes at 2:30 in the morning. So good. I had a party at my house too. Oh it was fun. But a mess to clean up. I think I mentioned that. Anyways, this summer has a fair share of memories and there is still time for more. Oh and a few random bits of information. If you can avoid burning your lips I suggest you do it cause when they blister it hurts like a fucking bitch. Of all the things to burn I don't want to burn them again I can tell you that. Especially cause it hurts to eat, and you all know how I love to eat. I do, I do. Just to give you an idea it looks like a coldsore that is a whole half of a lip that hurts so much I can feel it like in my chin. So weird. Oh and I bought a new pair of Smith sunglasses for $30 instead of $90 which is awesome and I love them. Leanne got some too, so now we match! Mwhahaha. Crazy crazy. I think that coffee I drank today just messed me up. Note to self, no more coffee. So ya that's it. Oh and I apoligize for the spelling cause this is way to long to actually go through the process of spell checking! Thanks and have a great night. ;)

HAPPY B-DAY DANI!

Happy birthday Dani! I hope you have a good day. Don't get too stressed. Remember Evan is coming and soon it will be NY. Yay. That sounds like so much fun. Rock out. And I know we may not have a chance to go out drinking but our time will come. Patrty on! Love you.

So much time... yet not enough!

So guys, I have now been back from Idaho for a week, my sister had left for London England and I'm still here in Canada, working. This really sucks! I mean why can't I go to England and Scotland. We were supposed to go to Germany my grade 12 year, but did that happen....NO. And now my sister gets to go to the other side of the work by herself with her best friend. I don't understand how that seems fair?!? And you know my sis says that we get treated equally but I have to disagree. My parents totally buy her more stuff and she gets to go to F*CKING Scotland. Who's the spoiled one???? I mean I know it will be fun for her, I'm just a little bitter at the moment cause I'm home for a few months during the summer and she ditches me for like all of July and August. Whatever, I'm over it now. I had my little vent. There are other things on my mind too but I'm just not going to get into those. Infact I was going to talk about my holiday but it's getting late and I don't even feel like doing that right now. It was a blast though, and I was drunk a lot. It mad me miss rez. Lol. Oh man, it's going to be great to be back let me tell you. I have to work so much harder this year though. No more procrastination! Help me with this guys! So ya, that's it for now. Oh and I saw Wedding Crashers this weekend man was it funny. Bye for now!

P.S. I was talking to Dylan the other day (he went to Wedding Crashers with me) and he sent me an email after and said that he wants to hang with me again before he goes on his holiday on Friday and that when we do see each other he wants to say something...... This is kinda scaring me guys. You all know Dylan. My movie buddy from 5K. Well anyways, this should be interesting!

Peace!

It's coming, it's coming!!!

HOLIDAYS ARE FINALLY HERE!!!! Just a few more hours and I will be out of this airport, and then a few hours after that I will be packed and ready to go and then a few hours after that I will be sleeping only to wake up and be on my way to Idaho. It's like the sanctuary of my life. What I would so without Idaho.....it's a depressing thought!

However I will want to sleep the whole way there and probably for like 12 hours that night just to catch up on what I have missed this week and then prepare myself for a very long drunken week of fun. You know when you aren't working it's a lot easier to go to bed really late and get up in the morning without being tired. It's crazy I tell ya.

But you must realize that this vacation is much needed. See I can't even make good sentences anymore. This week has been a really long week for me. I mean the party was fun on Saturday and all but everything went spirlalling down after that and cleaning up the mess on Sunday was just the start. I mean I spent all day Sunday cleaning everything up with the intention to mow the lawn on Monday only to find out that I had to work at Sobey's on Monday as well as Tuesday, so there goes half my week and time which I needed because I had other crap to do. Working at Sobey's was seriously stressing me out. They never have the schedule ready for a week until the Saturday before the Sunday it starts. It's so stupid. And then I ask my manager to write me a reference more then 2 weeks ago, and she STILL isn't done and I was handing it in today. Like FUCK. I do so much for them and I come in if I'm free and they can't even write a one page reference that would take all of 10 minutes to write. So I quit. I'm done. I went in last night and I told her that I am not coming back. She was a little mad cause I wasn't giving her 2 weeks notice. Technically I don't actually have to cause I haven't worked there for more then 3 months but I wasn't going to tell her that. Also, I'm giving her like a week and half sorta because I was going away on holidays anyways and it's not like I was going to be here anyways. So there. Take that bitch. Ahhhh, whatever. It's over with now. Unless I don't get my reference. Then I'm fucked. Fuck, fuck, fuck. It's ok Kim, it's OKAY. But really it's not. I broke the lawn mower last night too, half done, which sucks. I still have to take the bottles is, get a few things, pack and try and finish the lawn. Like seriously going on vacation should not be this stressful. But I should get back to work and actually find something to do. Yes that's what I will do. Ok. Peace out!

Best weekend all summer!!

This was an awesome weekend. I know that holidays hasn't come yet and it will most likely be the best time during this summer but so far this was the best weekend. Wednesday me and Leanne stayed late at the airport because Eric came in and he stayed at my house until last night for Stampede. Thursday my mom took Eric downtown with her in the morning and then he found a breakfast and chilled for awhile and then met up with Codey and had lunch and some drinks and such. I went to the Chuckwagons with Heather and the Grandstand show which was awesome and it gave us a chance to chat which was a lot of fun. I invited the guys to come but they didn't really want to stand so they hung around the Stampede for a bit and then went somewhere and drank. After the show me and Heather walked around a bit and I played 2 games and won a little Spongebob and then went back to my car. I drove her home and then I went downtown to Melrose to pick Eric up. He was a little drunk. Haha. Then he gets in my car and he reeks like beer. I guess Codey spilt one on him. The whole way home I wanted to barf from the smell. Then Friday I still woke up at my usual time but I decided I wasn't going in so I called Leanne and she said she was staying in too. Then I went with my mom at like 7:00 to get my sisters car. Which is so weird to drive. After that I showered and got ready and then once Eric was ready he came with me to get some stuff for my mom for holidays. Then we went home and watched Remember the Titans. It kinds makes me mad that I didn't go to work though because he sounds like it was the best day of the week for Stampede stuff. They took an hour and a half lunch and got some good food, cotton candy and airbrush tattoos and just had a good time. I could have got payed to come to work and have fun and still have sat on my ass. I should have just brought Eric with me. But oh well what can I do. It's over and done with. But anyways, after my mom finally left at like 1:00 me and Eric went to the mall. He ended up buying 2 DVD's and 2 CD's and I bought a new bathing suit from West 49. It was on sale. I felt bad for making him wait though. Meh, you gotta do what you gotta do. Then we went to the bank and then hopped on a train to go to the grounds. We hung with Dave for awhile and checked out the animals and then chilled on a bench and people watched. Then Neil came because we were going to see Brad Paisley together. So I ended up having to leave Eric alone with Dave but it sounds like they had fun. Leanne and Meredith and her friends came later and so did Ash. Me and Neil went to the concert and it was awesome. I had to buy a t-shirt cause I got one when I was at Toby Keith and Brooks and Dunn too. So I did. It's cool. I got to see Dan Nixon too which was cool cause I haven't seen that kid in ages. Crazy crazy. So I met up with Ash and Dave and we had a drink and chatted and then we went and found the other guys. We didn't so much after though. Just watched the fireworks and then went home. It was a good night. Saturday I got up a bit later and chilled for awhile. Cleaned some and then when Eric woke up he watched like 4 hours of Discovery channel. After I was ready we hit the liquor store and I bought a few things for the night. Ash, Dave and Heather were the first to show up at like 6:30 and then we ate some hotdogs. Then Meredith and Laura came after they got lost cause I wrote down the wrong directions. SO blonde. Then James came and Meredith brought Leanne back. Then the guys from the shop finally showed up. Ian, Matt, Will, Robert and Daniel. They were a lot of fun. Jason came later too with his buddy Paul. We had a pretty good time. Drank, played pool, played music, had a fire, went in the hottub. It was crazy. The guys left at like 4:15 in the morning to go home. They probably should have stayed over but whatever. So Eric slept upstairs, James slept on the red couch, Meredith and Laura slept on the green couch and Paul joined them, Leanne and Jason had my bed and I slept in my parents. It was good everyone had a place to sleep. The place was a mess though. I cleaned up some that night but only outside. After the last of them left I took Eric to the airport and then did a little work before going home to clean the mess. I picked up all the bottles, wiped down counters, washed towels, vacuumed the whole house, drained the hottub which takes forever, cleaned it, filled it, made and ate dinner, did dishes, exercised. It was a crazy and tiring day and I went to bed late and I'm sick so I'm feeling it more today. The wrath. So today is Monday and I will be looking forward to Friday all week. I have to pack, mow the lawn, work at Sobey's and here and still sleep in between. It's going to be a long week that's for sure. Oh well. Back to work! Later.

STAMPEDE!!

Hey guys, this weekend was fricken awesome. Gotta love Stampede. I haven't gone in.... 6 years I think it is. That's a pretty long time considering I live in the city. But who wouldn't rather be in Idaho waterskiing and wakeboarding and not having to work. Ya me. It is nice to hit up Stampede again though. I missed the rides and the crazyness. Plus I'm legal now so it makes it even better. Friday I went to the grounds with Leanne and met Stef, Heather, Hailey and Laura there. We went on a ton of rides and hung out and just had a good time. We went into Nashville north for like 15 minutes but it wasn't that much fun. I wasn't' drinking and I have no one to dance with so it just wasn't as good as it could be. But that's ok. I wanted to get my money's worth on the rides anyways, which I think I did. Me and Leanne stuck around while the other guys left to hang out and watch a movie, but they had been there all day before we got there. We didn't hang around that much longer anyways. I think we hit two more rides and then tried to go meet up with the Lister crew. First we bought a C-Train ticket but then we didn't end up getting on because the people were stupid and according to Jason it was closer to walk from where we were. Which is true but I didn't even know where Bob the Fish was, I was relying on Leanne. We got there but then the crew wasn't there. So I tried to call Kat but she didn't answer, of course. So we headed to the train station. We were almost there when Kat called me back saying they went to Ducky's. I was so mad. So we decided to catch the train. Walk back to Stef's to get my car and drive to where ever Ducky's was. So we did that but there was a bit of a detour because Kat gave me the wrong address and we went around in a bit of a circle first. But we finally got there and it was great. Alison was there, Dani, Chris and his buddies, Mikey, Hendry, Kat, Kyle and his buddy Kevin. It was all a good time. Hahaha. Man were they trashed, and I got to watch. So me and Leanne left at about 2:15 and I drove her home and then ended up going home when I was originally going to crash at Stef's. I got to say good bye to my dad and the dog though when they left for Idaho at 6:30 in the morning. But I was slightly out of it because I had only had 3 hours of sleep by then, or less. Good time. So I slept in till about 11:00 and chilled and watched some TV and a movie with my mom then I got ready to go out and me and Leanne headed to Kat's to hang with the gang again. I chilled there for awhile and then I left Leanne to party with them and I went to Stef's. Once Nicole and Brian got there and we had a drink we headed to the RoadHouse. It was a good night. I had 2 shots and a drink within the first 15 minutes and I was already feeling it from before. Then Nicole decides that she needs to find this Chris dude so she goes outside with Stef and leaves me and Brian inside. We stood there for a couple of minutes and then got annoyed and Brian decided to buy me some drinks. The first round we had 2 tequila shots. Then we walked to another bar and had another tequila shot and a beer. I was writing text messages to Nicole and Stef to come back inside and some guy decided to play footsy with me when I was sitting in the chair. It didn't matter how many times I kicked his foot he wouldn't leave me alone. Grrr, stupid guys. But then Nicole and Stef came back in and I was writing another text when I bumped my half full beer and it crashed to the ground spilling booze and cutting my toe. We left after that and it couldn't have been much later than 12:30. Went back to Stef's and had some KD and hit the sack. Nicole kept spilling on Stef's bed and the next day I found a piece or hardened macaroni on my shirt. Crazy! So I got up Sunday, and not feeling well drove home and made myself a few eggs and then went to work for 8.5 hours at Sobey's. Man was that a long day. It kinda sucked too because Ryan actually sent me a text back and he went to Stampede on Sunday and I had to work... so I couldn't hang with him and see him dressed up in his cowboy attire. Oh well, maybe later this week. Worked yesterday and went shopping for some bra's which was kinda fun and then went home, had dinner with my mom and pretty much chilled for the rest of the night. So that was my exciting crazy weekend and it just keeps on going this week. I work tonight and then Eric comes tomorrow and my party Saturday. I'm going to be busy busy. Hahahaha. Going crazy!! That's it. Later.

Man oh man!

So guys, I just wanted to say that sometimes my Have a Day Calendar is right on the money. Today was have a dumb day and man I felt dumb. It showed the most at work. I screwed up so many times on till. Hahaha. If felt like an idiot. But anyways, I just thought I would inform you. Thanks and have a great night!

GREAT WEEKEND

Guys this is one of the best weekends I have had in a long time. Even though I didn't get to go camping which means I didn't get to go water skiing or wakeboarding but what can you do. Anyways, I went to Cowboy's Thursday night which was fun but not that great and it sounds like Tequila's foam party was awesome and I would have known more people there. If they hadn't run out of draft before I got in I wouldn't be so bitter about the situation. But we had to wait in like for like and hour, the first bouncer said my ID didn't look like me, which is crap. I have NEVER had a problem before, and of course I didn't have a second piece. But luckly the second bouncer took one look and he said I was good. But then they had a metal detector. That was weird and then it was $10 to get in. AND I DIDN'T GET ANY DRAFT. So I had one beer and one shot because I didn't bring enough money. I could have drove home that night. So stupid. Oh and I walked all the way back to my friends house in 4 inch heals. Man did that suck! But I must say Friday night definitely made up for that even though I payed for it on Saturday. I was quite drunk. I had Ciclone and Keg beer. Not a good mix but it got me drunk and man did I have fun. We had some cool people there. Leanne had come and went home with a friend to stay at her place instead and I guess she called me to chat later.....don't remember. Once again I was very drunk. Hahaha. I miss it so much. It's been awhile since I have been like that. I can't wait to hear what Matt has to say Monday at work though. Haha. They left him a random message but he's going to know it was them because of what they said. Oh man, the things you do while drunk. Funny, funny! So ya. I just chilled last night with my folks and watched NASCAR because I was still recovering. Plus the race was an awesome race. Today I am not doing much but I do have to work in an hour. So I should go. Talk to you all later and I hope your Canada Day long weekend was as good as mine.
Peace

Weekend adventures!

Hey guys, what's up? So I hope everyone had a pretty good weekend. Mine was alright. My parents went to Regina to see my Grandpa so me and my sis were alone for the weekend. I had to take care of the dog Friday night so I had to bring him with me, which can kinda be a pain but oh well. So I was leaving my house Friday night at like almost 9:00 pm and heading to Crowfoot to meet Kristin and Jenna for icecream. So I was on my way and there was this cop standing in the road at like Rocky Ridge Road which is like 1 km from my house. So that's fine he waves me through. But then I get to the road that I'm planning on turning at which is about 3 km later and there is a cop van blocking it and a cop car on the other side of the road. This is when I start to worry. So I turn around and head back. Oh by the way, the road that was blocked off is the one that goes by the jail, reman centre and juvenile detention centre, which also worried me a little more. So I go back the way I came and the cop that waved me through before stopped me and everyone else in front of me to chat. I get to him and he says, "Have you seen 2 suspicious people around here at all tonight?" Of course I had just left my house and hadn't seen anything so that's what I told him. He thanked me and let me go. So I'm driving along and I'm like this is great I'm going to be home alone tonight and there are two crazy bad people wondering around my house. LOVELY!! But oh well. I don't know what ended up happening. Cause the cops were gone later and I didn't here anything else about it. So I ended up finally making it for icecream but it was a short visit because I had to pick up Heather and then we headed back to watch a movie and eat some junk food. It was a nice night just chillin with the girls. Stef and Heather suggested that I stay there but I was like I'll be fine I have and alarm system and all. I got home at like 1:30 AM and I was fine. Saturday I went and saw Madagascar with Ashley. It was really cute and funny. I enjoyed it. But then I went home for a bit then had to drive out to Bragg Creek to babysit Cole and Shelby. It was fun as usual. We watched Two Brothers. The movie with the tigers. It was a gooder. But I love tigers too so that helped. But I think I'm going to have to buy it now. Soooo... anyways. I slept over then went home in the morning. Washed dishes and made an angle food cake but there was too much stuff for the pan and it overflowed a bit. What a mess! Oh well. It tastes fine with whip cream. Then I had to work at Sobey's for 7 hours. Which wasn't too bad but it went by slow. I don't think I can last all summer. I will probably quite early so I can have some free time! But that's it, that's all. Maybe someone else has a good story to tell of there weekend. Let me know. Oh and I plan on partying Thursday night and I am hoping some of you who read this join me. It should be a good time. But I should go to bed because tomorrow is going to be a long day. Later all!
Kimmy

Short Update!

So guys, nothing too much has happened since I wrote in last but I thought I would update you on what I have. I went out last Saturday with Leanne and Stef to the Road House and that was pretty fun. We sat a few times though cause Stef's feet hurt but then we got bored. The Road House is a bit of an older crowd so it wasn't as much fun cause there were less guys to hang with. There was this one dude that like stalked Stefanie all night. It was funny. I didn't see the problem though because he was actually decent looking but she didn't like him. Apparently he had huge hands. I'm like soo... what's you point that could be a good thing. Hahaha. I drove Stef and Heather to work Sunday morning and Leanne home and then I went to work. It was alright I guess. I got my teeth cleaned Monday at the dentist. That was the longest dentist appointment I have ever had but they did a good job. Me and Leanne had to stay at work late because of it though. Wednesday I worked at Sobey's too. Thursday I had a doctors appointment and a Chiro appointment. I got my new phone though!! I couldn't choose between this one LG and the Samsung, but I decided on the Samsung only because the LG has an internal antenna and they don't know how good the reception is. I really liked the color and look of that one though but oh well. You can't have it all. Then yesterday morning I had my wisdom teeth out. That was fun. THe guy that went before me was really nice. We were talking about movies and stuff. He said he was 24 but he didn't look that old. Then there was this hockey player dude a few after me. He was being so annoying. He's like I don't need this goze and pain killers blah, blah, blah. I was like dude just shut up and listen to the nurses they know what they are doing. He didn't here me the first time ( I was having difficulties talking obviously), so the nurse told me to say it again cause they can't really talk to him like that, so I did. He didn't say another word. It was kinda funny really. I ended up napping a lot yesterday. All the drugs and anastetic made me sleepy. My puppy was with me all day. I had to eat a lot of soft food. But I puked a few times cause the drugs made me sick. Man that was not fun. It was kinda like a hangover but my mouth was sore too. It was crazy. I felt better today though. But I am a little swollen. But at least I don't ever have to do it again!! Mwhahaha. But I gotta jet cause my rents are leaving. Talk to you all later. Have a good weekend!

Something new!

Hey hey, my fellow peeps. How is everyone doing? Me I'm doing alright I guess. I have been working a lot ,the same as before but I do have new and different information to share with you this time other then my experiences at work as well as my experiences at work. This last week was quite boring a lot of the time but we did some fun stuff too. We got to work on our paper mache heads for our Stampede manikins which was kinda fun. It was like being back in elementary. Good stuff. Quite messy though and I must agree with Leanne that it look suspiciously like spooge. Haha. Ahh well it gave us something to talk about I guess. The paper mache started to ferment after being left too long though and there were fruit flies..... It was kinda nasty. Freaked me out a bit. But then we got to paint them and that was fun. This is becoming a bit of a process however. What else did I do at work..... nothing! Except for sedan surveys but I dunno if that even counts. I didn't have to work at Sobey's later on in the week either which was alright but then instead of going out Thursday like we originally planned I went with Stef to work a bingo for someone for their kids hockey team and I made $100 which was nice. The money went right down the tubes though. It's amazing how fast you can make money disappear. A little here and a little there and it's gone. But I did get a really cool purse with the money though even though it cost me $50. It took me awhile to actually buy it because that's a lot of money for a purse. The most I have ever spent is like $20. So I better like this purse other wise it's a big waste of money. It's good so far but it is a little bigger then I usually get too. Last night I was thinking of going out too but then I had to go to my sisters grad which was fine except for the fact that it went till like 9:30 and then there were pictures and then we had to go eat. So I got home just before 11:00. There was no way I was going out. Plus I was really tired. I fell asleep well on my computer. That was good. So that's it I guess. So I still don't have that much to tell but that's ok. I''m going shopping today so who knows what I'm going to get. Not too much though. Gotta save the money! It sucks really. Ok I guess I should go. Enjoy your weekend everyone. Later.

Life sucks right now.... sort of

So life kinda sucks right now. Only because I am working two jobs which takes up most of my time and when I'm not working I'm usually at home tired as a dog. It's stupid really. I have very little of a life. I did go out Saturday night though to the Road House with my buddy Stef. I miss hanging out with her like we used to all the time when we lived in the same city/area. We had some fun too, although her feet hurt from the shoes. I also went and saw The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants with Kristin and Jenna. It's a bummer Leanne couldn't come. It was fun and totally a movie that suited our sillyness and crazy humour. Ah well, everyone is busy and has their priorities. I miss my Lister buddies too. I still haven't seen Dani since I have been home which is terribly depressing and I haven't even talked to Alison at all. I should really email that girl. I get all the dirt from Leanne. Haha. Seriously though. It feels like everything is going down the drain. I feel stupid now too because I got a letter from the University and it said that I am on Academic Warning which means if I don't get my act together this next semester I am screwed. And the other bad thing about that is because my grades arn't that high I might not get the scholarship from my Dad's work which sucks because that extra money helps out a lot. Whatever. I'm ready to give up right away anyways. I still don't know what I want to do, so sometimes I wonder, what's the point. Ahhh, why am I so frustrated right now. I gotta think.... But I am going to bed now anyways. Long day tomorrow. Later peeps!

It's been almost 2 weeks.....

Hey guys, so you are probably wondering what I have been up to since my last blog since it's been almost 2 weeks. Truthfully I don't have a lot to tell. I have no life now. I thought I would have some fun this summer but that just doesn't seem to be in my cards, because all I have been doing is working, and sleeping, and watching some season finale's on TV. That's it, that's all. The extent of my life is so boring and so routine that this blog will probably only be a paragraph long because I don't have anything to say. I work at the airport and Sobey's so I have been pretty busy. Five days a week for 8 hours a day I work at the airport, mostly doing mind numbing, stupid, none eventful work. Then I work at Sobey's a couple of nights a week which makes for a really long day and then I work Sunday's too. It's not that bad because if I wasn't working then I would probably be sitting on my ass anyways but that's beside the point. But the season finale's have been awesome. So ya that's it. That's my boring summer. But just wait, it will get more exciting. Haha, I hope. Later!

A few bad days.....

The last couple of days have kinda been the shits. I've been in a bad mood and things have been crappy between me and Leanne. I hate fighting with people, especially people I'm close with. I think this is our first big big fight....... I dunno. Anyways, hopefully things get better. I am happy the weekend is here however. I need a break from work and things. It will be fun to hang with Ash tonight too because we haven't really done that in awhile. Maybe smoke up with Stef and Dave, lol. We shall see. Things are so crazy right now. Work is good though. I'm staying pretty busy now that our survey is done and we can hand it out to people. It's nice talking to people and being outside the office. I don't know if I like office jobs... But um I'm happy I guess. I did get my new car, well sort of new. It's a red 95 Pontiac Sunfire, which is way better than the Buick and a lot funner because it's a standard. It's good times. Oh and it has a Sun roof. But that's pretty much all that's new. Soooo.....I guess I will talk to you later!

Crap ass work!

So me and Leanne are at work right now. Done our survey after a week when they thought it would take a month. We are NOT INVALIDS!!!! Man oh man. So anyways, we are pretty bored right now and my only other option is to go to someones office and organize - BWAHAHAHA - Leanne has taken over the blog. I really don't like work at all. I know I should be grateful that I have a job but still. This is bad. They totally underestimate our intelligence. It's crazy. Anyways, I'm going to post this for Kim before we get caught not working. Maybe I'll write my own blog soon enough. Bye everybody! Hope everything is going awesome for you all! :D

Working = None interesting life!!

Ok guys. It's been a few days since I wrote a blog, and the sad thing is I really don't have a lot to say because work is boring and sadly that is now my life. I can't wait for the weekend. My life is now depressing. Weekends will be my savior and my fun party time. But anyways, work is ok, but there needs to be more to do. It's pretty boring. I find a lot of random things to do, like organizing people's offices. Today was sort of interesting though because both me and Leanne decided to wear heals and then of course we ended up walking all over the fucking airport. My feet still hurt like a bitch. Never, ever again!! I had to walk to all the different gates and write down their phone numbers and test them. So much fun....NOT!! Oh well, like I said it's work. So that's my life, my week. Boring hey?? Crazy. Oh but that bump on my head from last Friday, STILL NOT GONE!! I must have whacked it good. Definite possibility that I had a concussion, but what can you do? I guess drink less alcohol, lol. Good times guys, good times. That's it, that's all!! Later.

P.S.- I added to my last blog...if your interested.

Interesting weekend!!!

Well my weekend was interesting....well it was more Friday night that was interesting. For any of you that don't know the story yet. I went to Tequila with Leanne and my sister and her friends. I had a few drinks before I went and I had a few when I got there because there were cheap plus a lot of champain which was a really bad idea because it ended up screwing me over. By the time we went to dance I was pretty drunk. That's when things start to get a little blury. I went to the dance floor and I started dancing with a guy like right away. I think his name was Kurk...or something, don't really remember. I danced with him pretty much all night though. He was nice. Bought me a few shots, and I think his friend bought me one too. I also drank one of his beers because he had 2 in his hands. I think that's why I got sick later. I had hard alcohol, champain and beer. A lot of crap, that was mixed, and the champain was not very good champain. So I got sick and drunk and I puked on the floor, which is embarrassing and I fell sometime during the night and hit my head, really hard, and no one knows what happened. But I conked it good because I think I might have got a concussion. The bump is starting to go away now.... Oh and in case you were wondering, I made out with that guy too, and I don't think I wanted to leave him at the end of the night, but I didn't really have a choice because once again they were kicking me out, lol, two of them. I guess I saw Nick there too but I don't remember that, but maybe that's why I was worried about my sister. Anyways, after we got our coats me and Leanne left and Jason was outside waiting in the line with his friend Louie. They were going to come in because Leanne had told them we were going there but we couldn't go back in there because I couldn't get back in there. But we went to Coyotes and were waiting in line and apparently I was hanging off Louie, I'm sure because I was having difficulties standing and he's like what do I do man to Jason and Jason's like I dunno. Haha. Wow, well this is what I heard anyways. But I had dropped my I.D. in Louie's car so we just went back to his car and he drove us home. I was too drunk to go any where else anyways. I did almost puke in his car though. They were like WAIT 10 SECONDS!!! WAIT 10 SECONDS!!! They pulled over and I got out, but I don't think I puked. I was randomly walking around though. Jason seemed to direct me in the right place. Then I rode in the front just in case. When we got back to Leanne's I really don't know what happened. I guess I called my mom and told her I bumped my head and then told her I was going to bed. She worried about me all night and couldn't really sleep. I guess I called my sister back too cause she had left me a message making sure I was ok. I listened to the message the next day.... didn't sound like me, and I think I dropped the phone at some point. What a fucking gongshow. Oh well. So I went to sleep. Got up and went home and then drove to Rose's to get a hair cut. My head really hurt. I didn't even really want to drive, but oh well. Then I went home and chilled. There was not going to be any more drinking for me that's for sure. Went looking at one car on Sunday. I might be getting something. Yay!! Today I went in for work orientation. It was kinda lame but whatever. I get to make money now right. But I think that's all I really have to say now. Later.

HOME!!!

Hey guys. I'm home. Finally. I'm actually enjoying it I guess. Well for now because I'm not doing anything but as soon as Monday rolls around it's work time..... Oh well, it's money. I was so glad to be done after my Stat's exam Tuesday. It was kind of dumb. Grrr, why do things have to be complicated sometimes, and I still haven't got my marks back so I have no clue what I'm at right now either. It's kind of scary really. Tuesday afternoon/night was good. I had nothing to do so I just chilled and then my mom came and we went to Wendy's and I had a frosty, yum! Then she gave me boxes and bags and took some of my stuff and then went home. Later I watched Varsity Blues with Dylan, which was fun. I love that movie and it was cool to hang with him again. It's a little weird but I love talking to him so I dunno. Anyways, then I decided to start packing at like.... 11 probably. Talk about procrastination hey. Leaving it till the last minute. Hahaha. Go me!! So I did that all night while Leanne studied. We had KD one last time at like 2:00 which was fun. Good little tradition that is. ;) Then we went to bed just before 3:00, and I still had a lot of packing to do. We got up at 8:30 and I packed some more while Leanne kept studying. My dad showed up about 9:30 and I still had lots to do. I packed a bit more then we went for breakfast. French toast. That's one thing they never really screwed up. So then I went back and finished packing up my stuff. Woohoo! Not!! I was sad to see the room half empty. I felt bad for leaving Leanne but she will be ok and I will see her like....tomorrow, lol. But I left the room with one last look. I said bye to a bunch of the girls then I went out to the lounge. Alison was so funny, it was sad. I wrote one Kyle's flag and then gave him a hug, and then Chris and Tyler. Then I went to Alison waiting for me in the middle of the lounge. I didn't think I would cry but when I looked at her and she gave me her little note I burst out crying. We were both bawling, it was kind of sad really, lol. I'm going to miss you girl!! Then I had to go say buy to Easy and let him know he can still come party at my house for Stampede. Then I left, walked out the door, and left. It was really quite depressing. The trip home wasn't bad though. I stayed awake almost the whole time and it was actually pretty quick. As soon as I got home I went with my sis to the U of C so she could get her calendar to register for classes. We took her car, and it was kind of funny because I haven't driven with her in a standard before and she is still learning. It was entertaining to say the least. Then we came home and I chilled some more and made dinner, a real dinner!! Watched some TV with my mom and then went to bed. Today I did some laundry and then I went to the airport to get my security pass. The picture wasn't that bad which is kind of cool. It's going to be interesting working there that's for sure. I can't wait actually. Then I went to Sobey's and talked to Jess and I can get a job there if I want I just have to let her know. So I guess I'm set. I was invited to go out tonight too but I don't think I will only because I don't really have anyone to go with. But I am going out with Kelsey tomorrow most likely, even though Ashley is having a party. I'm busy this weekend that's for sure. But I guess I should go. Have a great summer everyone!! Love you.

My final week in Lister....

When I finished writing my blog the other day I didn't even realize that I was leaving it so that I only had a week left of living in Lister. It's truly coming to an end, and I'm not sure what to feel. I am actually quite sad right now (perhaps in part to my dreadful Chemistry exam) and I feel stuck in the middle. For the last little while I wanted to leave and go home so bad but now I am starting to do a 180 and wish I could stay here. I'm leaving so much behind to go home to what I had before, even though it is nice sometimes. Is not having school really worth the sacrifices of experiences, friends, an independent life?? Now that I have truly had a chance to think about this I would have to say no. I think I would deal with school if I had the chance to stay here. Everything that I have become accustom to these last few months is going to be dumped out the window come Wednesday. I think I truly became a new person over the year, and it allowed me to understand what it important to me. I made so many close friends this year and I was allowed to see them everyday and who knows when I will get to see them now. And living with Leanne I also realized that I'm not sure what I would do if I didn't have her as a friend. We were good friends in Calgary, and we kind of made this transition together and learned so much about each other and then we are moving back to Calgary together and working together and who knows when it will all end.... One day we will start working and following are careers and that may lead us in a different path and things change. It makes me realize how much I will cherish this year because it's taught me so much and had probably been one of the best years of my life. I started going to the bar, I made some awesome friends, I had a few guy experience (maybe not quite as many and Leanne, Alison, and Dani. lol) which I have never had before, I gained a greater independence because I could do what I wanted, when I wanted! Now I'm going home, living under my parents roof, which means I follow their rules. My dad even said the other day that I have to pass his test for driving a standard before he will actually let me out by myself. I mean I love my family and I have an awesome house, but the fact that it's out of town also creates a problem for when I'm going out because I can't just catch a bus home or walk. There are always pros and cons to everything. Life is so COMPLICATED!! Oh well. I just want to say goodbye and don't forget this year, because I know I won't, and here's to just as many good times next year. And I'm looking forward to a fantastic summer with all my old friends and family, and making money. Less than 48 hours and my like is going to be be flipped upside down again and I am going to be treading in new and unknown territory all over again!

Goodbye Lister, and my first year of University. *sigh*

So anyways, now that you are done reading my somewhat depressing blog, I am going to finish off my life story of the last few days. So Thursday I got up and studied a bit and then later we went outside in this continual beautiful weather and studied some more as well as tanned. I love summer time, I wish I lived in a place that was like this all the time and I could go and visit the snow. Haha. So anyways, I went inside later and studied some more and procrastinated as usual. Leanne went over to her cousins later and I stayed up and studied and then went to bed. Friday I had to awaken bright and early to write my Economics final which wasn't too bad. I really am not sure how I did... Then I studied a little bit and Nicole came to get me at 2 to go and watch my cousins Kaitlyn and Jason play rugby because they were in town. It was fun actually. I kinda wish I played rugby. I would have been good at it!! Then we left and went to pick up Nicole's friend Caitlyn who is so cool. I'm glad we are friends now. But anyways, we headed to Brian's shop and I got to drive the Envoy. After meeting up we went to Boston pizza for dinner and drinks, although I didn't drink because I was driving. After that we drove around for a bit, bought some alcohol and the girls went back to Nicole's place and we had a fire and talked for a bit, which was fun. They are making me want to go to Big Valley more and more now. Oh well. So then we went in and watched A Cinderella Story and Matt came to pick up Caitlyn and then we went to bed. I got up at like 9:30 Saturday and had some toast and then started to study. I sat there all day studying except for the odd distraction like checking my email and showering. Then we made dinner, which was very tasty as usual and chatted. After that we watched O.C.C. and then everyone went to bed and I stayed up and watched more TV and played on Nicole's computer. I was going to go back to Lister but Nicole was tired to I just crashed there again. It ended up being a good thing because Olga took us out for breakfast and I had the most incredible waffle. So many Strawberries and so much whip cream.... YUM! Then Olga drive me back and asked again if I just wanted to study at there place but I was like no it's my time to be back. But I probably should have taken her up on her offer because I really didn't study much yesterday and me and Leanne chatted and then she left me anyways. Haha. We are playing Lister tag. I was outside for quite awhile yesterday and I had candy and a slurpy and burnt my arm in the hot weather. Then I sat in my room for the rest of the night talking on msn and studying (which I should have done more of). This morning I awoke to face my doom in Chemistry. It was worse then I thought it would be. Apparently I'm just not smart because studying didn't really seem to help, but I guess it's too late now and man am I glad to be done!! Now I am writing a blog and I will be off studying for Stat's right away. Lets hope that test goes better. Anyways, I really need to stop typing now because I have wasted far to much time already!! Later my lovelies!! <3

And all that mumbo jumbo!!

Wow, now that I have to catch up again because my computer is dumb and I am typing my history again and then adding to it now that its been a few days.... this could potentially be a long blog. As my dad says, the Reader's Digest version. Haha. Oh man I wanna go home. The things that are reminding me of home. Fuck I wanna go home and drive, make money, work, no school, see old friends. K, I'm going to stop talking about it now cause it's kinda making me a little depressed, because I'm leaving people here too. Why can't we have it all?? Seriously. Oh well. So on with my life story for what the last week of my life. Haha. Almost the last week of my Lister year. Okay I can't even thinkin straight. My mind is here and there. Random ideas always popping up. I'm even confusing myself so I apologize if this blog is all over the fucking place. So anyways, back on track here. Let's see where do I even begin. Man it's been even longer then I thought since I wrote about me and my life.... I don' t think I can remember that far back. To much going on in my brain in these last few weeks. I dunno what I did last week. It was the last week of classes so pretty much nothing. I had my chem lab exam.... or was that even that week. So anyways, from what I can remember the last of we did the t-shirt signing on the Thursday which was fun and then hit the power plant for some dancing. Some random guy had to draw a dick on my shirt. Why I don't know, I don't understand their fascination with drawing their human anatomy. Like seriously its not like its super pretty or anything. Haha. Oh man I don't think this is going in the right direction. So anyways, we did that then went to sleep and went to class, as usual Friday. Everyone was getting drunk but I had to head home first cause it was my sister's b-day. Took the bus home to surprise her, and she has no clue, at all. It was great. I walk into the restaurant and she has to do the double take cause she didn't even notice me there at first. And I feel even more special cause she said it was the best b-day present ever. I had a good time. Haha, anyways, we went to Stef's and then headed to Tequila for some fun. Kelsey had a good time, and I did too. It was fun to party with her. But man I went in with $120 (60 of mine and 60 of my dads) and all I have left at the end of the night was a $20. Drinking is way too much money. But it was worth it. We crashed at Stef's and Nick came over for a visit with his buddies, who were weird. Kels was out in the car with Nick and I was annoyed to I threw his shoes at the car. Whatever. So anyways, we go home and go car shopping with my folks on Saturday and we finally got something. Yay!! A Hyundai Accent for my sis. Which means I am stuck with the Buick for a bit but at least we aren't sharing and my parents are looking for a car for me. Sunday me and my mom looked for cars for me. Didn't find much, but oh well. I went and got my cousin Lacey cause we were having some family over for Kelsey's and her b-day. It was some good food. Then I took Lacey home, and went to sleep. Oh sleep, I need to go and do that. I finally finished my English book, Not Wanted on the Voyage, which was the weirdest book I have ever read. I studied some other stuff and didn't do anything else until I caught the bus back to E-town with Leanne Tuesday afternoon. We had a good chat on the way back, I love our chats, and played some games and so on and so forth. That was the LONGEST bus ride of my life though, and it was a whole extra hour. More annoying then anything. At least Leanne's dad picked us up though. We did make a bit of a detour/getting lost way back though. Haha. Gotta love it. I miss exploring too. There was minimal studying and then I went to sleep and wrote my English exam at 9:00 am Wednesday morning and it sucked and lets just say I'm happy that that's over an done with. Wednesday night was good though cause I chilled all afternoon and then went and watched Ladder 49 with Dylan and it was a good time. I wanted the ending to be happier but it was a good movie, and I like hanging with Dylan. He's a funny and really nice. Not going to go to far into that though cause it seems to bite me in the ass. So then I left, and went to sleep. Which I am going to do right now cause I'm tired, and it's late, and I have to get up in the morning. So I will continue my story tomorrow when I need something to do while procrastinating. Ta ta for now!!

FUCK YOU BLOG

I had the hugest post and the one that is before this is all that worked. It decided to delete like more then half my fucking blog. WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. That's why I don't like to do this any more. FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!! I am not retyping everything I did in the last week. GRRRR. I"M PISSED!!!

10 Days.....

Wow, just think in 10 days I am going to be going home and possibly not seeing a lot of the people I lived with for the last 8 months ever again or at least for the next four months. It's so weird.... these people were my family really. But then for some of them I won't miss them anyways, but I won't ever forget either. I know it will be sad when I pack all my stuff up and see that room empty once again, well sort of since Leanne is going to be there a day longer then me. I'm leaving a lot of things behind really, not just people. First of all, I just lived 8 months in a shoebox size room with my best friend and we managed to get through it without ripping each others heads off. I really think this made us so much closer because it's hard to have secrets and we realized we need to trust each other and that we can do anything. I mean it's not like I wont see her this summer cause we are working together and I do have to drive her to work but it's still different. Hmmm.... And then there is Dani who I will see this summer because she lives in Calgary too which is good for me. But I know for a fact that I won't be seeing her every day because we do live quite far away and we are both going to be busy working and enjoying our summer. No more Tuesday/Thursday lunches. Then comes Alison which is really quite depressing because she really doesn't live close at all so I will see her all of once maybe twice this summer. Stampede baby!! You better be here or I will have to kill you!! We have cowboys to pick up and drool over!!! Love ya babe. Amy, who I will probably only see a few times as well because she lives in Edmonton. But she is coming up for Stampede too and I might make a trip or two to Edmonton cause I might miss it. So weird, but that's alright because I will be busy this summer and before I know it I will be moving back there. But I do know that I want to be home right now too. I came home fore the weekend and for my sisters birthday and I had so much fun and I really don't want to go back to Lister and to Edmonton to write exams. I am happy to be home. I miss my family, my dog, DRIVING. Omg, do I miss driving. I can't wait to get my own car.

Slacking....

I'm not doing a good job of keeping up with my blogs anymore am I guys. And it's not like I don't have anything to say, I guess I just don't feel like writing as much. Oh well now you get an update of everything that has happened in the last few days. In my last blog I mentioned that we were going to the plant Thursday for Golf Pro's and Tennis Hoes. Yeah well it wasn't great, it fucking sucked ass!!! We got there at like 10:30 and we were the only ones there except a few people sitting done eating food. So we stayed for a bit because naturally we thought it would pick up. Well by 11:30 we gave up and left. I was a little depressed and pissed cause I decided to wear a skirt which I have never done before and there was no one there. :( But instead of going back to Lister we went to Windsor's which was hoppin'. The place was stupidly full you couldn't even walk through. It was a good time. My night improved once I got there. Oh and Kyle from 3 was there and him and Leanne talked a bit and cleared a few things up a bit. But it's too bad for him cause I think he still likes her and she's taken. But anyways, Alison was tanked and she kept spilling drinks, broke a glass, and was on the floor more then she was standing, haha. It was funny, and eventually they took her home. Silly silly girl and her drunkenness. Me and Leanne stayed till the end and we hung out with Gord and Mikey a lot of the night. It's so funny how all the guys from Yellowknife are after her. ;) So we came back to Lister and I went to our room to make KD and Leanne was out in the lounge talking with Mikey. Well Kyle comes down and is looking for her and I'm thinking you didn't see her in the lounge, oh god. So anyways, me and Kyle bicker for like a good 5 minutes about him and Leanne and what happened, about how I reacted when he came down looking for her that one time and about how I was making the KD. It was stupid, but actually kinda funny at the same time. Then I went out to the lounge and found Mikey and Leanne on the blue couch and I'm like she is right here Kyle. But he just kinda stomped away and is like she's talking to someone and that was it. Whatever right. He was too drunk anyways I think. So then I went and ate my KD, gave Leanne hers and went to sleep at like 3:30. Yay for no sleep cause I have an 8:00 class on Friday mornings. So I went to all my classes and then I think I had a nap.... or did I. Haha. No I don't think I did. I started watching Gone in 60 seconds and then Heather Allen showed up so I had to get her. Then we watched the movie and hung out until Nicole showed up. She had been getting her hair cut and died and it looked awesome. Then Nicole, me and Heather went to get my lab from Colin. Colin is my hot Chem. 102 lab TA. Alison and Leanne wanted to see what he looked like. So even though I was terribly embarrassed Nicole took a picture of me and him to show the girls. That was a bit of an adventure. So anyways, it so had to rain Friday too. But the three of us went to West Edmonton Mall. We went to Moxie's for some food cause Nicole was starving. I had some bruchetta thing that was a snack kinda thing and then I ended up not eating anything else that night. I was really hungry by midnight cause I had the bruchetta at like 4:30. We shopped around looking for Heather's grad dress and I tried some bra's on in La Senza. Then the girls picked up some make-up from London Drugs and I bought an eyelash curler. It's interesting. I talked to Kelsey for about a half an hour too cause she was really upset and I'm glad she called me because she was home alone, and I feel special now too, that she knows that I am here for her. Things will be ok. I know they will. So anyways, we were going to see a movie but we were waiting for Brian cause Nicole didn't want to go with out him which was fine. So we ended up going to BP's because Marc and some of his buddies were there in the lounge drinking. I ended up having a couple drinks and hanging out with them a little bit. Marc was being him normal self nice and then a jackass the next minute. I don't understand that kid sometimes. So then Brian showed up. He is definitely the nicest guy out of all of Marc's friends. He was pretty good looking and he wasn't an ass! Haha. The guys left and then Nicole, Brian, Heather and me hung out for a bit. We didn't end up going to the movie cause it was already kinda late. So we sat around for a bit and then Nicole and Brian went for a walk and Heather and me went to Nicole's car to listen to music. It was kinda fun actually. Heather told me some good Used songs and I downloaded them all yesterday. Then Nicole and Brian showed up and we went over to his place and were watching Ladder 49. It was a pretty good movie. However I didn't get to see the end cause we had to go and Nicole was already late. Oh and Nicole tried throwing her phone at Heather and she hit me in the jaw instead and it actually hurt. There is even a sore spot on my jaw now. Like geeze. Oh well. So then she drove me back to Lister and she went home. Leanne was sleeping but sort of woke up when I got back. I got ready for bed and then went to sleep. Another 3:00 night, lol. Oh well it was fun. I did eat a few crackers before I went to bed though cause my stomach hurt to much cause I hadn't eaten. The funny thing was, I went to bed late but I still woke up/ was woken up by 9:00. So I played on my computer and had breakfast and talked to my dad for a bit. Then I braided Leanne's hair and had a shower. Just as I finished Leanne was going over to Sam's. She still isn't back yet which makes me think that her and Jason talked. But anyways, because I wasn't really doing anything yesterday I pretty much just played around. I painted my toe nails, tried this new thing with my hair by twisting sections, which kinda ended up looking like nice dreads. It's interesting that's for sure. So my day was ok until main main chow mein rolled around. I went down there like everyone else and once the food came everyone lined up but I didn't bother to rush up or anything. So by the time I got up there the only thing really left was rice because everyone had taken such heaping amounts. I was like fuck that and walked out. I was not paying for rice. So I was kinda pissed. I went and got a grilled cheese sandwich and then I decided to have a nap at like 7:00 I guess. Well I didn't mean to sleep that long but I woke up at like 9:30 and it was dark. I'm like that's just great, now I won't be able to sleep but whatever. So then I talked to Alison for a bit and we made a trip to the Marina for veggies which were quite tasty. We ended up watching the end of Ocean's Eleven. I love that movie. I think the last time I saw it was in theatres. So then I went back to my room and talked to Jeff, Stef and my mom for a bit on msn. Stef has some serious issues going on with her roommate right now. It's crazy. I finished up talking to her and then I went to bed at like 1:00. I woke up early again this morning at like 8:30. But I didn't get out of bed and I went back to sleep until 10:30. Talked to my mom this morning and then went and had breakfast in the Cafe. It was ok and I got fruit with strawberries and all this morning. Yummy!!! So now that it is like 12:30 and I need to study for my lab finals and this blog has gotten very long I am going to go. Later ladies. Love you all. Hope you had a good weekend!

so bored....

It's funny cause I have been so bored lately and I don't really have any good excuse. I mean I have lots to do around here and there are always people to talk to, but I'm bored. Even my cousin Kaitlyn is like "your bored my closest friend is a good ten min. drive away". I mean I feel bad. I dunno. I don't want to do my chem lab, but that's alright, I will, when I'm done this. The funny part is I haven't written a blog since Saturday which is a really long time for me. I almost always right a blog at least every 2 days, but not this time. I dunno why, I have had no inspiration, still don't really but oh well. But I do have things to talk about now I guess. We played dodgeball Saturday against Main Mac and lost cause they are really good and cheated. Then we played them again Sunday cause it was the best out of three for the finals, and lost again, partly because of their cheating, but there isn't much I can do now is there. And I had fun this year. It was awesome. So ya that's that, and all my other time this weekend I spent working on my English essay but it didn't matter cause it was really time consuming and I ended up pulling an all night Sunday night and didn't go to sleep until like 10:30 the next morning. I went to my first two classes which were pointless cause I was falling asleep anyways. But I needed to get the stat's notes and obviously I had to hand in my English essay. So yeah I had my 5 hour nap which was nice and then did like nothing at all, all night. It was good times. I had the room to myself too cause Leanne was over at Sam's place with Jason. Haha. Oh man. Everything that happened that night I I dreamed about. It was kinda disturbing actually. I will leave the gorry details to myself, lol. Funny, funny. So I went to my class and lab yesterday. I realized I was kinda sad cause this was my last lab before my lab final and then I won't see Colin anymore and he was the best lab TA ever. He was funny and hot, lol. Me and Leanne were talking and we were thinking that I should email Colin and tell him that he is hot, but after my lab exam cause then I never have to see him again. Haha, omg writing that down makes it sound so Juniour High and childish. Oh well, I'm sure it will be fun. But anyways, I should get on my lab cause I might not want to be up all night. Haha. P.S. - tomorrow is going to fucking rock at the Plant, Golf Pro's and Tennis Hoe's!! It should be a good time. Slutyness. Haha. K later.

A Better Day!

Well today has started off pretty good and I'm feeling energized. I think it was good that I didn't go last night. I know it would have been fun and maybe good for my spirit but I enjoyed my alone time, and it gave me a chance to express how I was feeling. I woke up this morning cause Mikey came in to wake Leanne up and it was ok. I'm not really tired and the sun is high in the sky and so nice today. It made it easy to get out of bed. I had some pancakes and then went and played dodgeball. Dodgeball was incredible this morning. We fucking kicked ass. We swept. First three games in the basket. We won and we're still in it. The adrenaline rush was awesome. I'm happy now. Still not sure about some things but happy. Sadly though I still have to write that dreadful essay so that is what I am going to do. Ta ta for now!

One of those nights....

This week just seems to not be my week. I don't know why but I kinda have felt like crap all week, and not the happiest. It could have something to do with the fact that I have my period but that's definitely the only reason. I dunno I think I have just had a revelation that I'm a failure or incompetent. I don't know what to call it really. It basically goes like this. First of all I feel like a failure. The whole fact that I am one class short of a full course load because I had to drop Organic Chemistry because I was failing because I didn't do my homework or study really. All my hard work in the labs, down the tubes. And now I know there is more pressure on me to do better in my other classes because I have one less class to worry about now. I should be doing my chemistry questions, but I'm not and I haven't done any all semester. I should be reading English and I should have worked on my essay weeks ago, but I didn't and now I'm going to pay. I have to try and write this essay this weekend and I'm scared and just think it's a waist of time cause I know my prof and I know my writing abilities and it's not going to be any better then a D anyways, so why do I even bother. Stat's is ok, but I have a lab assignment due next week which I haven't worked on either and we missed the class this morning cause we slept in. Like fuck. How is it possible that I'm suck a screw up. The only class that I am doing somewhat decent in right now is Econ and it doesn't even have anything to do with what I am taking. It looks like at some point I might be transferring to Arts at some point. There is no direction in my life right now. I am at the end of my first year of university and I still don't know what the fuck I want to do with my life at all. I feel like a failure because I am doing crappy in school. I am kind of wishing I had a guy right now for whatever reason and I have read so many people wrong this year and it's just been crappy and stupid. So I'm alone too even though I know I have my friends. Truthfully I just want to go home at the moment. I am tired of this little ass room and not having any money and doing things with no direction. At least when I start work at the airport I know it's a job and I will know what I have to do and that will be that. And I will be making money to do it and not spending money. That's another reason why this sucks. I have like no money left, or very little. I want to spend my birthday money on something nice but I also have like no money left to go out either. I didn't go out tonight party because of that. I just don't have the money. It cost so much for cab, cover and coat check and then if I did want to have one or two drinks. It shouldn't cost me an arm and a leg. Whatever. See when I go home I will have money, I can go out, I will have a CAR. I miss driving so much. I love to drive and I don't get to at all here. That would be one reason to stay home to go to school, I could drive everyday. Plus we are going to get a new car, a standard. I have wanted to drive standard since I took my lessons, before that even. Everything at home just seems so much more promising right now. Oh and the whole being in shape thing too. I feel like crap and I look like crap. I have been trying to exercise some but it hasn't done much cause I have still gained wait here and I still have a gut and huge this. I just feel so ugly right now. I look at myself in the mirror and I don't see that fire that I used to have. When I used to dress up I could convince myself that I'm pretty and that somebody would want me and there just doesn't even seem to be a point anymore. Obviously it hasn't got me anywhere so far. I need some sort of inspiration, and strength. That's why I love the summer. I go on holidays and I always feel great because I ski and wakeboard everyday and that is the time of the year that I am most in shape and feel the greatest about myself. It probably helps that I have a tan too. Oh and if any of you know my history about sandpoint, even if it is just Marc and Shawn and his buddies I just have so much fun with them and feel attractive. I don't get it. There is hope. I have less then a month left here and then it's home. I can party, work, see old friends, go to the Stampede this year and just enjoy my time without having to worry about my future. At least I have that comfort there to encourage me to get through this crap. That is my inspiration, maybe that's what I need now. If I keep myself busy then I will feel productive and then all of the sudden it will be time to go home. Home, it's nice to know that I have someplace to go where I don't really have to worry about anything, and there is always somebody there for me, that is wise and can give me guidance. Although my mothers indecisiveness has made my life somewhat difficult this year. Why did I have to get that gene of all genes. I hate it. It makes it hard to choose, and I usually have regrets no matter which way I go. I wish there were no options sometimes. Then I wouldn't have to choose. But anyways, I should do homework now because I have already wasted plenty of your time and mine writing this.

P.S.- I do still have fun sometimes though, the spontaneity of it all. Going to the plant last night for battle of the bands and some dancing turned out to be a lot of fun. The last band, not sure of their name, the guitarist/singer was awesome, and really hot. There was just something about him. It was great. Plus I danced with this one pretty hot guy and he was an awesome spinner. It was a good time and it made my night. I'm glad I went! But tonight is not my night, and I'm ok with that. Everyone has their days right?